The Who

[TheWho]

Sorry guest, this is what you get here if you don?t embrace the group position or take a viewpoint outside of theirs.  Parents move on before anyone can get a message to them.  Its more about dumping their anger in a post as apposed to helping any kids, its too bad.  I think there is a lot of value that Fornits can add to a parents decision instead of just trashing their point of view and chasing them off.

[Ganja]

True, Anne, in some cases the parents jump the gun and ship their kids off to be fixed without exploring other options first, others are checked out as parents to begin with, there are all types.   Its awful you got sent to straight, its sounds like I raised more hell than you did when I was young than.  I heard the horror stories about that place.

It was horrible.  I was never physically abused there because I was too damn scared to say or do anything "wrong", but the emotional abuse was the worst part.  The raps (LifeSteps).  THAT is what fucked me up long term.

I always like to make the point that anyone who was in Straight was physically abused just by being there, but I know what you're saying; there are degrees of abuse, of course. But we had to sit up straight for 12 hours a day, or else... That fits the description of physical abuse.

[ZenAgent]

Because in hindsight (which is 20/20) I see that I could have done things differently to dissuade her from going down the path she was on, put her on the right path myself, read the signs better and help her early.  I think I could have avoided having her attend ASR.  I still think it was the right thing to do, based on the circumstances and how far down the path she got unchecked.  

Jesus, what a feeble bastard you are.  If you had the opportunity to go back, you should check yourself.  Accountability, ol' man, I gotta face up to it, so do you, omniscient as you think you are.

[TheWho]

Because in hindsight (which is 20/20) I see that I could have done things differently to dissuade her from going down the path she was on, put her on the right path myself, read the signs better and help her early.  I think I could have avoided having her attend ASR.  I still think it was the right thing to do, based on the circumstances and how far down the path she got unchecked.  

Jesus, what a feeble bastard you are.  If you had the opportunity to go back, you should check yourself.  Accountability, ol' man, I gotta face up to it, so do you, omniscient as you think you are.

of course!!!  The whole family, Everyone, myself included.  I really only have control over my own actions but I could have helped her more.......

[ZenAgent]

Because in hindsight (which is 20/20) I see that I could have done things differently to dissuade her from going down the path she was on, put her on the right path myself, read the signs better and help her early.  I think I could have avoided having her attend ASR.  I still think it was the right thing to do, based on the circumstances and how far down the path she got unchecked.  

Jesus, what a feeble bastard you are.  If you had the opportunity to go back, you should check yourself.  Accountability, ol' man, I gotta face up to it, so do you, omniscient as you think you are.

of course!!!  The whole family, Everyone, myself included.  I really only have control over my own actions but I could have helped her more.......

So you're admitting you're a somewhat fucked-up parent who hired a goon squad to parent by proxy?

[Ganja]

So you're admitting you're a somewhat fucked-up parent who hired a goon squad to parent by proxy?

It sure sounded like it...

[Anonymous]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

[Ganja]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

I'd like to take a look around ASR sometime...would this be possible?

[TheWho]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

Thank you for the help, there,Guest,  You are very articulate and accurate.

[ZenAgent]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

Thank you for the help, there,Guest,  You are very articulate and accurate.

Sending her to ASR was a mistake, then?  I mean, you are saying you could do a better job yourself now?

[TheWho]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

I'd like to take a look around ASR sometime...would this be possible?

Sure you can,  we just drove in and asked to speak with someone from admissions and spent a good part of the day there, had lunch and then we were able to wander the campus ourselves.  We spoke to a few kids and left.  Probably there 4 hours in total.

[Ganja]

It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

Not a program like ASR in what ways?

ZenAgent: You recall the year of that Butthole Surfers show? 85-86?

[Joyce Harris]

To the GUEST poster who asked Anne Bonney,
"Is your incredible anger towards parents due to the fact that your relationship with your own was so damaged?"

I'm a program-parent.
I don't interpret Anne Bonney's postings to reflect "incredible anger towards parents."
Many of Anne's postings are actually supportive of parents; IF the parents are not trying to promote programs, or simply making attempts to justify "why" they put their child in a program.

Most, if not all, negative, abusive postings made to, or about me--have been made by GUEST/ANON posters.

[Deborah]

Sorry guest, this is what you get here if you don?t embrace the group position or take a viewpoint outside of theirs.  Parents move on before anyone can get a message to them.  Its more about dumping their anger in a post as apposed to helping any kids, its too bad.  I think there is a lot of value that Fornits can add to a parents decision instead of just trashing their point of view and chasing them off.

The "guest" is well aware of what happens on Fornits. She is no stranger. There will always be parents such as yourself who condone the abuse and consider it 'therapy'.

[TheWho]

ZenAgent, I believe that is what Who is saying.  He is saying that if he could go back, he could parent better, provide more checks, and a program might not have been needed.  He is not saying he did not make parenting mistakes.  He is saying that due to a combination of parenting being lax in monitoring where his daughter was heading and her own choices, out of love and concern, h chose to send her to ASR.  His daughter is not reporting any abuse from either wilderness or ASR.  He has a good relationship with her today and she pursued her education.  I think his situation is different from that in your family, where your stepdaughter was sent away by a negligent parent without your approval or input.  It also sounds like PV was not a program like ASR and had much more potential for abuse.

Thank you for the help, there,Guest,  You are very articulate and accurate.

Sending her to ASR was a mistake, then?  I mean, you are saying you could do a better job yourself now?

If I was faced with the same decision, all being the same I would send her to ASR in a heart beat, thats easy becasue I know now it was a success.  But if I could go back 4 years before that time I think I could have prevented her from going becasue I would better know the warning signs and have the advantage of knowing what path she was on and how I could have helped her better myself.