When did adoelscence become a pathology

[Anonymous]

Im curious 2 springs. How many kids that you worked with were truly disturbed or criminal in comparison to just sent there for being too much of a handful for their parents? Were any sent by the justice system & if so did they mix with the non criminal kids?

[Red Flag Touches]

tough titty. [ This Message was edited by: Three Springs Waygookin on 2006-06-13 20:09 ]

[teachback]

RFT, you're breaking character.

[Red Flag Touches]

[ This Message was edited by: Three Springs Waygookin on 2006-06-13 20:10 ]

[Anonymous]

I am always surprised that parents do not put 2 and 2 together when their kid is not progressing in these programmes. Of course they are going to keep your kid there longer if fees are charged on a monthly basis. It is no surprise that public programmes are committed to the kid's improvement as they are not judged on profit. The thing is no mainstream Private school that charges big bucks  uses the kids failure to advertise why they should stay. The whole point is that the kids is happy and doing well. I am yet to read a mainstream report card that goes like this:

"mike is failing all subjects, wont muck in on the sport field and dislikes the other kids with a passion. The feeling is pretty much mutual. it has been this way for 6 solid months with no sign of improvement and we feel he is in short a little turd. Please give us another 150000"

Why does this mode of thought work in BTS schools?

[Anonymous]

Okay - you asked about what people thought....

I agree that there are a lot of chicken sh-- parents out there who are looking for a quick fix and thus are lulled into a sense of relief by the politicians looking for a vote and the scheisters (or however you spell that) looking for a buck.

However, there are too parents that are terrified that the next time their kid sneaks out and does something dangerous or stupid that it won't be the other kid's parent at the door the next morning or even the police with the kid in tow, but the police with no one in tow and it's time to visit the morgue.

I don't know how I would live would myself if keeping my son in this neighborhood--fully believing that he's currently dealing drugs to his friends--leads to one of his friends overdosing. How do I face that mother, my neighbor, my friend... I'm not talking about embarrassment here - we've all got warts - I'm talking about my responsibility to my community.

We have tried psychiatric help, family therapy, individual therapy, intensive outpatient treatment, short term residential treatment... you name it. We have been trying this for years! I am not a whiner... I know this sh-- is hard and we've been working it hard, but now he's stealing from his 9 year old sister!

I wholeheartedly agree that the fact that there is a "troubled teen" industry is messed up on several levels and that many parents need to lighten up a lot about what is and is not pathology. At the same time, the reason that those programs are there in the first place is that there are a lot of us out desparate for help.

I am not a quitter in this - the reasons I'm investigating a wilderness experience are not becuase I've bought a bill of goods from a program or my politicians (I'm from Texas and they're all full of cr-p anyway). I love my son. He's an amazing kid... and I'm terrified.

Just thought I'd throw that in...

[Anonymous]

I doubt that you are for real.

Assuming you are, the next logical step is either serious psychiatric help in a state mental hospital, or just let him get arrested. Either alternative is less harmful.

What does he say when you talk to him about these things?

[AtomicAnt]

On 2006-06-15 18:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Okay - you asked about what people thought....



I agree that there are a lot of chicken sh-- parents out there who are looking for a quick fix and thus are lulled into a sense of relief by the politicians looking for a vote and the scheisters (or however you spell that) looking for a buck.



However, there are too parents that are terrified that the next time their kid sneaks out and does something dangerous or stupid that it won't be the other kid's parent at the door the next morning or even the police with the kid in tow, but the police with no one in tow and it's time to visit the morgue.



I don't know how I would live would myself if keeping my son in this neighborhood--fully believing that he's currently dealing drugs to his friends--leads to one of his friends overdosing. How do I face that mother, my neighbor, my friend... I'm not talking about embarrassment here - we've all got warts - I'm talking about my responsibility to my community.



We have tried psychiatric help, family therapy, individual therapy, intensive outpatient treatment, short term residential treatment... you name it. We have been trying this for years! I am not a whiner... I know this sh-- is hard and we've been working it hard, but now he's stealing from his 9 year old sister!



I wholeheartedly agree that the fact that there is a "troubled teen" industry is messed up on several levels and that many parents need to lighten up a lot about what is and is not pathology. At the same time, the reason that those programs are there in the first place is that there are a lot of us out desparate for help.



I am not a quitter in this - the reasons I'm investigating a wilderness experience are not becuase I've bought a bill of goods from a program or my politicians (I'm from Texas and they're all full of cr-p anyway). I love my son. He's an amazing kid... and I'm terrified.



Just thought I'd throw that in..."

If I caught my kid selling drugs to other kids, and I could not get him to stop, I'd be the first one to call the police and help them set up the bust. A program would still never be an option.

In fact, I'd try to figure out who my kid's supplier was so I could have the police take them down, too.

[Anonymous]

I believe you and i am sorry about your son. It sounds like his problems go way beyond being a normal teenager or just experimenting. Any one in your shoes would be worried sick. It sounds like your kid needs to be in an environment which treats this issue medically first and then with some kind of proper rehab couselling. Why look @ wilderness programmes? Why not put proper doctors in charge of the boy? It sounds like he is dealing and stealing to support a habit. Deal with the medical issues and get him the follow up counselling in a proper non abusive residental medical facility. While he is living there call him and write him often. If you can visit often. Do not send him any place that limits family contact or sends the message that he no longer deserves family support. Many websites for wild therapy advertise the idea that in the beginning the right to communication is denied with the implication that this needs to be earned back. Then when he is rehabilitated clip him about the ear for stealing from his little sister. Wilderness therapy websites really agressively market to parents who are worried sick. They dont care what the worry is.

[Deborah]

On 2006-06-15 18:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Okay - you asked about what people thought....



I agree that there are a lot of chicken sh-- parents out there who are looking for a quick fix and thus are lulled into a sense of relief by the politicians looking for a vote and the scheisters (or however you spell that) looking for a buck.



However, there are too parents that are terrified that the next time their kid sneaks out and does something dangerous or stupid that it won't be the other kid's parent at the door the next morning or even the police with the kid in tow, but the police with no one in tow and it's time to visit the morgue.

wah,wah,wah. Stop with the pathetic, oh me, I'm totally fucking helpless pattern/habit. How the fuck is your kid getting out?

Ya know what my parents did? They planted Pyracantha bushes by the windows of mine and my sister's rooms. They don't call it "firethorn" for nothin. Pyracantha is the terrified parent's friend, get to know her. Ain't NObody coming in OR goin out. By the way, they NEVER mentioned why they 'chose' pyrachanta bushes, and as kids, it never ocurred to us that it was intentional. We thought they chose it for the pretty red berries. Hah!

They also took the springs off the garage door, cut out a window and door, painted the floor, let us decorate with flourescent flowers, installed a black light, put in a record player and a pool table. They rarely had to wonder where we were. And all the neighborhood parents knew where THEIR kids were.

Parents have SO many options other that a friggin program.

[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2006-06-16 21:04 ]

[Deborah]

Yeh, program parents hold these facilites in such high esteen when there's nothing magical about it. There's not a damn thing the program does that a parent who condones such methods couldn't do at home and save tens of thousands of dollars. Why don't they? What motivates them to 'hire it done'? The answer to that question should give a good indication as to why the kid is really at a program.

Heard a psych author on NPR recently talking about happiness...think his book is called Stumbling on Happiness. He surveyed a large number of parents on what made them happy. At the top were the expected, Spending time with partner, sex, more money and the goodies that come with it.... Parenting was way down the list, right there with house cleaning.

[MightyAardvark]

and once again we come down to the shitty, selfish behaviour of the baby boomer generation.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for believing me... unfortunately, I am for real. Unfortunately, we have tried the residential treatment facility already and, like many other short term programs, it worked for a while, but now (6 mos later) we're right back where we started. The irony is that he's just bad enough to be in the "not normal adolescent misbehavior" but he does not have a clear psychiatric diagnosis--and we have seen three shrinks about this and at least 4 psychologists, I'm not even exagerating.

When he was at the residential treatment program, most of the kids there were violent and dangerous, they were a much bigger threat to him and the staff than the other way around (his report). He has trouble with school work although he has a superiour intelligence, has trouble dealing with stress although he has lots of friends... it's just a huge mystery. A lock down treatment facility is not what he needs, he needs to be somewhere, away from the distractions of life, with people who can help him figure out what the HELL is going on.

We are working very closely with an educational consultant who is a clinical psychologist herself, our family therapist, and all of the professionals who have worked with him to identify the best course of action. I understand the point about telling the police, but having a criminal record that starts at the age of 15 in the state of Texas is a *really* bad idea and if there is no proof, the police can't do anything anyway--we've investigated it.

There are no easy answers with all of this--I've dealt with some shit in my life, and this is by far the hardest. You all (y'all) might want to consider cutting some of the parents some slack. Information (real information) about the pros, cons, and choices available is the way to prevent kids from being hurt in these type of places...

Thanks again for the responses.

[Anonymous]

Oh and by the way - when he came back from the residential treatment, we did convert the garage into a room for him and his friends (a neighbor donated a big screen TV)  and he sneaks out the back door, not his window. Is your suggestion that I make a prison cell out of his room so we can sleep at night? That would go over well with the fire chief. Or maybe you think we should stay up all night and make sure he doesn't leave - oh wait, that's right, he leaves anyway when I've caught him.

My suggestion, get off your high horse and get down in the trenches with those of us fighting this fight. Easy to make judgement, hard as shit to know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I think it's time to just let him go.

Have you researched emancipated-minor statutes?