Does anyone besides me see that striking difference between the female and male experience when it comes to off time and "fun"?
Absolutely, I never had a friend in the seed. There were girls I felt more anxious around and girls I was able to relax with a bit more but "good times" always seemed like imitations of good times and I felt we were always watching each other. I went on outings during my three nights, and acted all goofy on over nights but I was always on guard
In my experience this didn't just mean we ratted on each other but that we threatened to do so all the time.
Example, once another seedling girl asked about some kid she saw me speaking to at school concluding with,? I just find I have to be careful." A few minutes later I questioned her choice of clothing saying, "Don't you worry about wearing pants that are cut like jeans? (Druggyish) She tried to squeeze away from my threat by saying,? I think there ok. Their not denim," to which, I said,? I just find I have to be careful about what I wear."
Off time felt more like lunchtime in the group--no rap but you can still get in serious trouble if you say or do something wrong.
One sad exception, I almost had one friend. A girl I started doing stuff with when we were both on our three nights. I do remember some fun with her though I can't remember exactly what, just that I liked spending time with her. Finally one of our outing requests was rejected which scared the shit out of both of us. We ratted on each other--don't remember for what and never hung out again.
It seems to me that the women who say they remember good times were generally older when they were in the program. It was always my experience that old seedlings seemed more relaxed. Perhaps they were less terrorized by the esp. shit. If you don?t believe that the people around you can read your mind and that you should be able to read theirs the threat is more limited.
Incidentally all of my closest friends after I graduated were seed grads too, but they were all guys. It took a long while (like into adulthood) for me to learn to trust women.
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Cleveland chick 76-77