yup agree.
Thank you PSY for formulating the message and eloquently writing what many of us feel. There are many pieces of this puzzle: families, the parents, but most importantly, the child who needs a voice.
(a parent who wised up to TBS scams)
Thanks... But there's so much left out. It's just the tip of the iceberg. What's hard, what's very hard, is convincing anybody that really needs the information to actually sit down and listen to it for long enough to figure it out. By the time they figure it out on their own (if they figure it out on their own), it's usually too late. So let me explain a little about what happened to me; why, exactly things probably would not have gone so well. Parents.. listen up:
The reasons I am here, right now, aren't due to who I am, per se. I am not "responsible" for everything that was done to me, that happened to me, and I am not in total control of my destiny. If my parents would not have helped me, in all likelyhood, i would have ended up in the same situation as so many of my friends. I would have had to live on the streets and do anything I needed to in order to survive. At the point I was at, believing what I did, I probably would have actually become an "addict/alcoholic" as they had convinced me I was (which was absurd, given my reasons for going there).
Funny thing was that I wasn't "forced" to believe anything the way I perceived it at the time. That's not possible. It's trickery. I was simply immersed in a culture that believed a certain way and I adopted those beliefs based on the (false) information i was "taught" while I was there. They presented to me a list of things that an alcoholic was, and I looked at that list and I said "wow... that's me"... and they told me that they were all like me at one point, and that they could have turned things around if they had "caught it early" like I did. It was only much later that I figured out that everybody in existance would have filled the criteria they gave for an alcholic. Normal people (not in the cult) would have recognized that, but until I had learned to identify myself totally as an "alcoholic / addict" i had no contact with the outside world. When we did, they were at selected AA meetings they bussed us to (we were not allowed to share, though... we were told this was to respect others. I now realize it's because they might have laughed us out of the room). But most in the "real world" would have said "uh... aha... ok... well.. i'm glad you're sober now. congratulations" and probably walk away feeling a bit awkward at how proud you were identifying yourself as a junkie. Nobody... nobody... questions whether it's true, or will ask you what you learned in rehab...
Of course, once you completely identify yourself with an addict, you wear it like a badge on your shoulder. It was almost a badge of pride at benchmark. It had an exclusivity to it. Once you took the "first step" to "recovery", it felt great... I was grateful to them... I cried and broke down, and "realized" that they were saving me from what they portrayed as an inevitable path of destruction. I bonded with them, saw them as family. "an alcholic knows an alcoholic" I was told. At first, I "resisted" and portrayed things as they were. I wrote my "life story" as they instructed me to do, as well as my "dirt list" only to be told that they were not "truthful". It was one of the first "assignments" they had me write. I had
no reason to lie. I thought they were there to help me. I was told that I was not there at Benchmark for the reasons I claimed (which were the exact reasons that were written on the referral sheet, btw), and that I was simply in denial (Don't even know i am lying). I was told that everybody denied the truth when the first got to Benchmark and I needed to take that "first step".
It's a powerful thing, sitting in a room of people claiming that they know you're one of them, that they were all like me, and that they didn't know they were lying to themselves. I believed I was sick, that I was afraid of feelign, that I could not feel, that I didn't even know who I was because I was afraid of my true self, letting my true self out... I was told that we _all_ are wearing masks and need to take those masks off, discover the "inner me". I and me, for cedu people.
But how did they know that, I thought at first. How could they possibly know that I wasn't myself? I asked that question... I _knew_ they could not know, but in time, the repetition, the pressure, the "evidence" they gave (that applied to everybody on the planet) convinced me of their "truth". I was told that one example was that I was too intellectual, I argued, I was resistant, I was "in my head"... it was all evidence that i was an alcholic/addict. They told me that I needed to stop thinking so much, in thier own language, that I needed to feel.
What they really wanted me to do was to stop thinking, and let emotions overwhelm me. They wanted a conversion experience, with the program as the god.
I was told that the 12 steps could be used to treat any illness or disability, that I could just replace the word "alcohol" with my issue and overcome it with the help of a higher power (benchmark)... Multiple educational psychologists had diagnosed me with dysgraphia, a writing disability. They all basically said that i'm intelligent but since my handwriting was slow and illegible (not my fault, it's my noodle) I was supposed (not just allowed) to used a computer to type my schoolwork. Benchmark told me that I could overcome it... I initially argued that while I could write, it was far slower than other people and it would be holding me back. Well... It didn't matter. Although they had promised that I would be able to use the computer (they should have, by law, since they claimed to be a school), after the 30 days they told me were to inspect my computer for contraband (they never touched it) I was told that i had lost my privelage. this decision was apparantly made at the staff meeting. I was told I didn't need it, that I could overcome...
I was furious. I knew they were violating the law, and they tested the waters with my parents about this. Although my parents would normally have probably raised a fit, they made it sound like they knew what they were doing and they claimed they could help me to overcome my writing disability. in reality, none of the staff knew what in the fuck was disgraphia, and I doubt any of them cared.
As far as they were concerned, I was whining and felt "entitled". You're fucking right I was entitled, and they were breaking the law. At that point I had what they would refer to as a "blow up".... as in I totally let them have it, verbally, explained how my parents would sue them into the next century, how they were violating my rights, etc. They told me that had no rights, that I had signed them away when I came to program. I told them they lied to me. They told me the rules on computers had changed recently (but admissions director Richard Brimhall was still pushing the same "you can have your computer after 30 days" bullshit 6 months later. I made it a point of asking new arrivals about it.)
I demanded (and i mean demanded) my property they had confiscated back. I wanted my palmtop so I could get a calling card number out of it to call my parents and tell them what was going on (i didn't tell them why I wanted it bakc). I hadn't talked to my parents since my dad dropped me off (no phone calls for 30 days, no refunds after 5) and I wanted to explain to them what was going on. The reason they did this, I later figured out when reading the correspondance with my parents, is so they could push their bullshit on them, tell them about all the fictional things I did. I was an angel. They told me that if I was good that I could have my computer back. The place was stressful and i've always found computers relaxing. That's all I wanted... just what they agreed to.
So what happened? They refused to give me my property back. They told me that the property was not mine... it was my parents (even though my parents always made me pay for my own stuff) Techincally, anything else was gifted property. I almost couldn't believe it... I told them that they were keeping my property and that it was theft. I told them I would call the cops. They told me that first of all it wouldn't matter since the property was "my parents" and secondly that i would never be allowed back in program if I did (and they do hold good on that threat). I was left in a position where I could try to see if the cops would help (and even if they did, I didn't have a place to take my stuff, I didn't know if my palmtop would need a charge to get the calling card number off, and I didn't know if my parents would help even if I could contact them (nope... they would not have, thanks to what the program had been telling them for that month without contact).
That being said, I was sure my mother would at least help. If I couldn't leave the program, I truly believed that if I could talk to her she would set the program straight, tell them to give me my computer, and everything would be fine. So I told the parent rep (Carl Janowitz) I was chiefly arguing with/yellign at that I was going to walk off and make a phone call (i figured i could call collect). He told me that i would not be let back in until authorized again. I told him "we'll see after I talk to my parents about this. my mother has taken on a school before on this issue, and you will comply with the law". So I walked out, went to the nearest payphone, and tried to make a collect call... an international collect call to Ireland where my parents were living at the time. Well... as anybody who has ever tried it before can tell you, it's not possible (or at least not at the time). I called 1-800-collect and asked an operator, I tried looking through the phone book.... Eventually, I gave up. It was getting late, I was hungry, and I knew the area wasn't the greatest at night (Aaron can attest to this). I went back to program. They were loading up the vans to go back to the apartments. I begged. They realized i was desperate and so I was allowed to ride back. I was then put on House and Room restiction.
Before that point I was following the rules, I was doing my "level requirments". I have documentation of this (staff signatures) checking off my almost flawless behavior on the level requirements sheet. I had no problem complying with the program as long as they did what they promised they would do. I made up my mind to follow their orders until i got my first phone call, at which point I would tell my parents what was going on and surely, they would help me out.
I expected my parents to care, I expected them to resist, I expected them to help me out. What happened shocked me. They told me that I "need to follow the program, do what they say, etc..." And with that... my only advocates took the program's side, without even hearing me out...
I seriously doubt most staff realized what they were doing. To them, they were spreading the gospel, helping people find themselves, the ultimate truth, etc... It's what they were taught, and they believed it. Notes that my counselors wrote (that i had to eventually threaten the program with legal action to get) reveal that they didn't seem to be deliberately deceiving anybody. They believed it.
Jayne, and many of the executive staff, on the other hand, i'm pretty sure were just after the money. Why? many reasons: They were always asking my parents for more money (he could use more time in program.. he's making progress bla bla bla, will the State department pay for more time bla bla bla... Also, they lied (why would they if they believed it). They either made stuff up completely out of whole cloth, made tiny offenses into crimes against humanity, and invented new rules, just for me (it's an "individualized program", LOL) when I wasn't breaking enough.
I should have figured after they confiscated my palmtop after a week or so without a reason that something was wrong(iPaq 3600 series with Tarsus fold-out full-size keyboard, they told me I could type my work on until i got my desktop back (LIE))... Know what they told my parents they took it away for? They tole them I was using it to cast spells. Yes, I have this in writing, and when I release the Benchmark documetary, you'll see a lot of this.
But I bit my tongue... they told me at the end of 30 days I could have it back, so I didn't mind. It was this "you can get it back later" crap they would use all the time... or "you'll get your level two in no time if you follow the rules, etc." Well... I did what they asked, I followed everything and i have my level requirements checklist that has every single thing checked off with excellent done... I finished Building Trades in record time too (vocational education where you build furnature they sell). Oh. but there was one thing that was not checked off.... Item number 17: "enough Time spent in program" which required some very subjective standards to be met such as me to make a "lasting change"...
Well. I told them that I was there to finish high school (what I was told), and that there was nothing about myself I felt I wanted to change at the time. My counselor agreed, initially, that i could write down "cut down on smoking" as a "personal growth" goal... Later, I was told that was not sufficient... Everything would change as soon as I was close to it. There was a carrot on a stick and they were leading me around. They had universal catch 22s for everything. I knew they were jerking me around, but I didn't know what for. I didn't understand why they were doing what they were doing. Unless you've been in a situation like that you really can't know how stressful it can be...
Everybody was constantly reporting on everybody, looking for things, writing down "dirt lists" on anything from somebody "breaking bans" to rumors they had heard of an un-approved love-relationship going on... They had to approve who you were attracted to... They had to check off (on a piece of paper, that I have) whether you were "sexually enlightened", or "ready to date". You had to write a proposal if you wanted to have sex and counselors had to deem you ready. You had to earn your own money, rent out a hotel room, and write this whole plan down in a "proposal" for staff meeting. So much for spontaneity. I was told that Benchmark was very "progressive"... that no other program allowed students to have sex at all... I told them that I wasn't told this was a program.. I was told it was a school. I felt like i was wrongfully imprisoned without even a trial. My parents didn't even know what it was like. They thought it was a school I thought it was a school, even after the tour. I couldnt' figure out why they had that 30 day no talking to parents rule but... boy did I figure that out quick.
Yeah, i became hostile, yes, I was vindictive, yes, i hurt people, yes I reported on people, yes, I played the game... we all did. Yes, i was very, very wrong (even though the staff told us that reporting on others was "helping" them follow the program). Writing this now... since i've avoided writing about this in depth for so long, makes me... somewhere between sick to my stomach and angry enough to ........ Helpless. Not any fucking more. I am going to expose the truth about Benchmark and that school
will be shut down. It will happen.
What they did is NOT therapy. What I'm describing i've heard in one form or another from pretty much every single program vet i've talked to. I learned that programs generally operate pretty much alike. All of the control communcation, all control the enviornment, all demand disclosures, all critique those as "truthful". I learned to doubt myself in program. I was confident before program. I could assert
myself, not what they told me to be, not what they made me, not the "real me" that I could only find by following
their program. Parent's don't realize how fucking traumatic it is, how permanant that is, how i can no longer be around groups of people and function in a normal capacity, how my stress levels go through the roof when around new people, how I am no longer able to ask a person out on a date, or even for coffee... how i can no longer tell somebody i'm in love because i'm terrified... I learned to be silent, be passive, to avoid conflict at any cost by satisfying requests.
I was not like this before program. It's only been since i've been thinking about these things that i've regained some of what i lost, myself. "get over it" and "move on with your life" are NOT what is a good idea. After leaving a program or a cult you need to examine what went on. It's better to do it sooner rather than later, once you've learned to live with the damage. Nope. Normal therapists won't help. Most don't realize how they work or what they do. Go to one who specializes in cults, or find a friend who was in one and recognizes what's going on.
It's not therapy, it's flat out cruelty, and it's done out of greed, and sadly many parents are naive enough to belive some con artists... despite the fact that their advice might be against their better judgement they turn all decisions over to the cult representative, controlling them with fear. Parents should be helping us to rip these places apart and hold the
leaders accountable for thier crimes, offering their
followers the therapy they need, but only if they want it because that's how
therapy works. It's VOLUNTARY. It's not deceptive. They don't have secret LGAT seminars where you're not told what to expect, where you're told to let go of your values, where your mind is played with through tricks. THERAPY is NOT DECEPTIVE, and NOT SECRETIVE. "Don't tell because it would ruin it for others"... or the techniques wouldnt' work, since people would know what to expect, might ask questions, might not be surprised at the results of the games... who knows... maybe one or two might figure out it's nothing but a repackaging of est, Lifespring, or whatever else "works" to gain the results they want: compliant, obedient, pliable, trusting, loyal, parents who bond, through a process of induced pain then comfort, with a "facilitator" whose sole interest is in making sure they can milk every last dollar until the parents end up desperate, praying to their fucking false god to save their child.
Most stuff about programs I recognized on my own, and by talking with others who were in program, but one thing I didn't realize until reading "Cults in Our Midst" is that cults truly are structured like an inverted T. The leader is on top, and everybody else is on the bottom. I did things in program I regret, so did staff. I went to program under false pretenses, and so did they. They went through the seminars too, they had no pre-existing concept of what therapy was (they deliberately hire unqualified staff with little education). At least at the program I was at, I no longer blame most of the staff. A few, i believe were just cruel and got off on the power, some, i'm sure weren't that way to start with but beacame taht way over time. For the most part, however, believe most truly believed, and only truly wanted to help people.
The top, on the other hand... Jayne Longnecker, Richard brimhall, and others who deliberatly decieved parents, who could not have possibly have been ignorant to what they were doing, that they were participating in a systematic ruining of peopel's lives for profit... They should be thrown in jail for life, preferably with some extra friendly, and extremely well endowed cellmates. In my opinion, what they did was murder. They advertised "therapist" and "psychologists", deliberatly lying in order to increase enrollment. They accept more than capacity, storing the most "negative" students in motels...
Oh but The level 2s can get jobs right.... sure they can ... only jobs that give out paychecks, so they can sign them over to program... And no, they can't keep the cash if they decide to leave. They covered every angle and it all functions to bring cashflow in, and send it to the top. a system like that does not form by accident and I hope Jayne someday feels something.. half of any of the pain she has caused any one student... Even the successes, even the staff, realize what goes on in time. How many stay more than a year or so? WHY do they all stay silent. I want to know that. Are they all that stupid? do they choose not to see it because it's inconvenient to them? Voluntary suspension of disbelief? I need to stop. I'm typing far too hard on this laptop keyboard.
I hope this explains a little, parents, and to you, Whooter... I dont' expect you to believe me, or to care if you do, but in time all of you will figure it out and don't say I didn't warn you. You should hope your kids have a fraction of the mercy I have for mine.
[quote/]
Psy, do you know if the same techniques were used at the Cedu Schools, in particular, running springs?
