First boyfriend/girlfriend after straight

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-05 09:50:00, stillahippie564 wrote:

thank you....my whole f-ing "tenure" was with "the newt"{a type of slimy lizard or salamander}

There are a lot of us who's entire tenure was under Newton's sadistic hand.

please dude,who ever you are,if you know someone else that had a smearing like that done to them

,i'd love to talk to them!

Yes, I know of quite a few people who had "smearing's" like that done to them.  Some of the minute details are different but just as bad or worse and for just as long or longer.  Some had their jobs fucked with, some their very physical freedom, some had custody interferred with and some just lost their entire family forever.  

 

i just thought i had a black cloud of bad luck or something

In a way you did.  You had the same black cloud hanging over you that we all did.

because of what they did to me,i wound up on the streets in boston standing on the street corners wondering if i should just jump out in front of a vehicle etc etc....i was homeless,living in shelters...choosing that over living at home with my family because i didn't want anymore "tough love" done to me....geez....

Yep, been there done that.  I hear what you're saying.

it fucks me off that i feel i have to explain what exactly happened to me in my 6 1/2 years involved in that CULT to you so you'll understand me better....so there it is....i was a big stupid fucking fool...ok?......hippie"

You dont' have to explain anything to me or anyone else.  We get it.  We lived it along with you, we know.

[Antigen]

I understand why so many of us are so untrusting, so suspicious of one another. Just take an hour or so and read over this conversation, Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers".

Folks, some of us are dangerous and up to no good. For the most part, that seems to be only people who are still believing old lies about one another because we still haven't had or haven't taken the oportunity to talk out in group enough.

Anon, I liked you a lot better the other day when you were talking up fun and kindness. What happened in the mean time?

The [Büsh] aide said that guys like me were 'in what we call the reality-based community,' which he defined as people who 'believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible
reality.' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. 'That's not the way the world really works anymore,' he continued. 'We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.'
 
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/17/magazine/17BUSH.html?ex=1255665600&en=890a96189e162076&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland' target='_new'>Ron Suskind

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-06 11:52:00, Eudora wrote:


Anon, I liked you a lot better the other day when you were talking up fun and kindness. What happened in the mean time?

I read the latest of Hippie's posts that again was saying how much harder of a time he had than anyone else.  Guess it really rubs me the wrong way.

[85 Day Jerk]

COLLEEN

My first hard-core girlfriend was just as crazy and
manic at the time as I was. This was in 1985 when I was just 23 years old. Her name was Colleen and she
was an illegal alien from Alberta Canada. She is one of the few girls I ever brought to my mothers house for
dinner. She put me through emotional hell on a daily basis. If we were walking somewhere and got into an arguement, she would go the the edge of the road and just stick her thumb out. Since she was pretty damn
good looking (sorta like Marissa Tomei) a car would pull up within seconds. Once, when we were short on the rent, she pulled this shit and we were not even really argueing. I got in the back seat like I usually did and she is all over this guy that picked us up. She tells him that we are late for a party and then invites him to it. She gets him to pull into the ABC Liquors on 4th street and swishes inside. I just sat there in awe, because One- she did not have any money, and Two- we were not going to any damn party. She comes out looking all pissed off and says, "The motherfuckers wont take a Canadian check!" "We can't go to the party empty handed," then she leans into the car and her knockers just about fall out of her top and she asks the guy who picked us up if he can spare enough for a case of beer. She'll pay him back at the party, because her room-mate will be there.
The guy hands her a twenty just like that. She goes in and after about 1 minute, the guy starts getting edgy.
He starts asking me shit about her and I put off like we are just friends, and that she is really hot and works at the Office Lounge, and any other shit I could think of to take his mind off the fact that he was being burned.
In desperation I stuttered out, "Oh shit, that's right!, she was thinking about applying for a waitress position here, she is probably talking the manager to death right now, I'll go in and get her." I shot out of the car and walked into the store. I quickly scanned all the fish-eye mirrors to see where she was. (We did a lot of shop-lifting back then too, and those mirrors work both ways.) There was a hallway that led to the Superlounge
so I walked down the ramp and noticed a crack of daylight coming from the door leading to the back parking lot. I walked out and had to let my eyes adjust to the blazing sunlight. Colleen was just about to the wall that ran all down the back of Northeast Shopping Center. She frantically motioned for me and I broke into a run just as the guy with the car started coming out of the back door after us. He ran halfway, then turned back around I guess to go jump in his car. Colleen and I made it to 1st Street, and she just smoothes her hair as a bus approached the bus shelter that was there. I frantically dug out a dollar in quarters to cover the fare, and we got on and headed back home. With the traffic and all, old Lover Boy Thanks for the Ride, probably never even made it out onto 4th street before the bus pulled away to take us home. Colleen was incredible, she pulled shit like that all the time. At least we got the landlord off our ass for a change.

[Anonymous]

My penis isnt circumcised and I often get cheese just under the head that gives off a ripe odor*I often scrape the cheese off with a dull pearing knife and save it in a baby food jar which I plan to sell on e bay

[Anonymous]

ttp://images.google.com/images?svnum=10 ... ma&spell=1

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-03 17:25:00, stillahippie564 wrote:

"i guess...if you knew the reason why i did that,you'd understand....after that place,i had nothing..no high school diploma or college degree

just a ged....i went on staff to get in on the ground floor of somthing i could use to better myself! not to be an asshole....i tried college after i finished straight,but it was more of sitting in a blue chair for me!i couldn't do it! i didn't want to be mowing yards at fort belvor the rest of my life and i loved helping ppl out!

who was going to HIRE a ged /high school drop out?

no one was!...i was a trainee for 5 weeks and never really stood a chance of being a staff member...they never wanted me to start with....

it was just a cruel joke they played on me....whether ol' one year believes me or not,i don't give a flying fuck ok? no one who didn't totally kiss someones ass got out in one fucking year! dig it? i never knew anyone who was totally non-compliant in that place get out of straight in one fucking year! all i said was they were fucking lucky!....can you argue that?'cause i can't! even lulu couter was a fucking trainee,man......she was in the same schooling predicament as me when she finally got out of the kids program....she couldn't "do" school either! it was way too much like straight to her! all i was trying to do was get some kind of experience so i could have some kind of life after my ordeal in straight! thats all! they were the only ones that would give me a fucking chance without a college degree! it was a huge mistake!HUGE....and it cost me dearly......but i'll bet ol' one year

doesn't understand that,huh?......my motives were honest....i was told straight had fucking changed and was changing.....i thought i would actually help ppl in there....that was my big stupid mistake!they didn't want anyone actually helping the kids in there...they wanted control freaks for staff....that wasn't me!...lol....she or he has nothing on me....i'm glad you got out in one year....i'm glad thats all they got out of you...

i wasn't allowed to date anyone for 28 1/2 months!

thats why i said lucky fucking you!....nice to see the misinterpetation or twisting of my words and what i went through.....thanks....hippie"

Hip,
I am the one who started this thread and the " one year" you referred to. Why are you always so angry? When you first started posting here I read what you wrote with a certain amount of interest because of your circumstances. Then I started to see a pattern taking place. You say the same thing over and over and over. You were screwed over, all you were doing was tryin to help kids, your life was ruined by these people who were out to get you, blah, blah, blah. This may be some of the reason that people are finding you offensive. Like, for example, you say that no one makes it out in 1 year with out kissing someone's ass. How the hell would you know what it was like for me and how I was " lucky" enough to make it out in one year?? Do you not see how insulting that is?
I'm really surprised that you didn't make it as a staff member because you seem to have the asshole quality that was required to be one.

Speaking of being on staff, I just have to say something about that. I wouldn't care what someone told me about how the program had changed, or how much I wanted to help people, there is no way in hell I would EVER have gone back in under any circumstancs. I find it interesting that you couldn't do college because it was " more sittin in a blue chair" so what do you do? You go right back into straight as a staff member!!! If you were in the same straight as I was ( I don't mean location) then how could you even think for one minute that they were looking for anything OTHER than a control freak?
Of course I can understand that you now see what a huge mistake that was, but take responsibilty for the fact that it was your CHOICE. No one lured you in under false pretenses. If you spent 28 1/2 months in there, then you should have had a pretty good idea of what you were gettin yourself into. See what I'm sayin here?

[Antigen]

Anon, people got fucking brainwashed in that place. No kidding, for real, our very perceptions and personalities warped and edited in certain ways. I never bought in the way hip says he did. But it got me in other ways. Funny shit, sometimes, other times not the least fucking bit funny. Ask my husband one day how much fun he had for the couple of years it took me to unlearn jealous paranoia followed by long into the night confrontation/interrogation. He probably won't tell you. He's sort of a saint that way.

Can't we all just either get along or at least stay just a little bit detached from the topic? I mean, I really want to understand more than I do. And I really don't want to hurt anybody or be hurt anymore. Isn't there a happy balance somwhere?

I turned to speak to God, About the world's despair; But to make bad matters worse, I found God wasn't there.
--Robert Frost, American poet

[Antigen]

One more thing, in defense of some former staffers. I never was quite so intimidated by staff as some were. My sister in law had been Seed staff. I babysat their son while they went out drinking. When I split for the final time, they took me in.

I don't know where I would have landed or what might have happened if they hadn't. Even so, the staff pod person in her emerged on my 18th birthday when she insisted that I get the fuck out for some lame assed reasons that didn't really wash.

But it was their house, their young family. And they had done so much for me, I just shrugged and walked. Found out just a few years ago what the real reason was; it was that I wasn't acting quite straight enough. And, well, we all "know"; once a druggie, always a druggie and she/they had that super Seedling "awareness" to spot a budding relapse......

GOD was I PISSED!!! At my brother, who I thought knew better. Still am, really, cause I still do think he knows better. And, for the life of me, I can't understand what his take on anything is. No explanation adds up to what I think I know. It's madening, I tell ya!

Maybe some of these other former staffers or true believers or half believers can shed some light. But only if I can get to know them well enough to understand the answers.

Ya know?

Government operates best when it allows all messengers to offer their views, allowing the American people to decide which take root and which wither away.
--Harold Furchtgott-Roth, member of the Federal Communications Commission

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-08 14:38:00, Eudora wrote:

"Anon, people got fucking brainwashed in that place. No kidding, for real, our very perceptions and personalities warped and edited in certain ways. I never bought in the way hip says he did. But it got me in other ways. Funny shit, sometimes, other times not the least fucking bit funny. Ask my husband one day how much fun he had for the couple of years it took me to unlearn jealous paranoia followed by long into the night confrontation/interrogation. He probably won't tell you. He's sort of a saint that way.



Can't we all just either get along or at least stay just a little bit detached from the topic? I mean, I really want to understand more than I do. And I really don't want to hurt anybody or be hurt anymore. Isn't there a happy balance somwhere?

I turned to speak to God, About the world's despair; But to make bad matters worse, I found God wasn't there.
--Robert Frost, American poet

"

Hey, this is the only time I've said anything to Hip. I'm not responsible for the other anon posts, something I tried to make clear. You don't have to tell me about people being brainwashed, I was there too remember?
The thread I started was about our first relationships after straight, Hip is the one who decided to make it about something else. Did you read his posts to me? I think I have every right to respond to what he said and that's exactly what I did.
If this is a subject that needs to be avoided than what are we all doing here? I'm not out to hurt anybody either but am I supposed to just keep my mouth shut if I have something to say that maybe you don't like?
Thanks for your input but I was really addressing Hip with this one

[Antigen]

Oh, I know. And I don't mean to bark at you. Just frustrated w/ the whole ongoing simmering brawl. Never mind. Sorry. I guess I can't really find the words yet, so I should shut up till I do.

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions.  The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting;  2. fleeing;  3.feeding; and  4. mating.
-- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

[Anonymous]

So uhhh Pirate, how do you feel about this whole discussion?

[Anonymous]

Why are you always so angry? When you first started posting here I read what you wrote with a certain amount of interest because of your circumstances.

i don't mean to be so angry....everything i had gone through that i had resolved or let go,was
changed after i found out the real truth....its like i got started over....i'm dealing with shit i thought was resolved only to find out that what i resolved was bullshit.....all over again,i'm dealing with this shit...like it happened yesterday....i have to "resolve" this all over again....
as far as being on staff,i didn't look at it like you described to me,but answering your comments,thats why i didn't go on after i 7 stepped or while i was on 5th.when i did go on,i looked at it as a way to get into some kind of field of helping ppl,from the ground floor,not as "going back in str8"....shit i had been done for 3 1/2 years.i had no phobias about being "set back" etc.....
i thought i was exempt from getting treated like a phaser....to me it was a job...thats how i looked at it.i was told the place was making new strides in changing the way it used to be.thats what made my decision to go up and work there...
ok! i was wrong!....
really,i was never a staff member....they were figuring a way to get rid of me from the day they knew i was coming up.....when the ppl that wanted me gone had enough shit to fire me,they did.lol....my life was a fucking joke to them.
now i find out{in the last month or so}that they weren't simply happy with firing me,noooo,not them.they had to make sure thier accusations were the truth and followed me around and smited everything they could about me! look,i just found this shit out,ok?....i'm sorry if i come off as an angry person,but i am! i never knew any of it!
now i have to deal with all of it again....like it happened yesterday....not 20 fucking years ago!.....oh well,fuck it....i won't come on here anymore.....fuck everything....

[Froderik]

No, don't go anywhere...unless you really want to for some other reason. If there was one thing that I was gonna say in your defense hip it was that the anger isn't always that easy to get over just like that...you're relatively new to this forum experience, so to me it isn't all that surprising that you haven't sorted everything out yet..there are things that still with me to this day and I'm more or less a veteran so to speak..so don't feel too bad about that. Maybe just try to take into consideration that other ppl's experience there may differ somewhat from yours and you should be ok...

[Anonymous]

I don't think any of us have said that we'd be happier if he left.  I really don't think any of us feel that way.  Many of us have tried to state calmly and in civil terms why some of his posts were upsetting to us.  I understand the anger at just finding some of this out.  We all go through it when we first find the boards but not all of us try to insist to everyone that what we went through was somehow different or more problematic or more damaging.  I've read that in more than a few posts of his..."you guys just don't understand"....we do.  Of all the souls in the world, we understand.  As I said before there may be variations in some of the details but to continually insist that one person's ordeal was somehow worse than anothers really does belittle the experience of the other person.  I think we've tried to communicate that in a pretty civil manner.  It's too bad he didn't take it in the spirit with which it was intended.