Author Topic: It Really Is Nice To Know  (Read 1741 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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It Really Is Nice To Know
« on: July 22, 2006, 02:23:52 PM »
That you care about me too much to let me do this. Or, you care too much about everyone else to let me do this. Either way, I am glad that you have decided, even though I don't understand, to care about me as much as you say you care about me. It is going to take a while to get it in my head that although we just met and you don't know me at all, having never had a conversation with me in any kind of situation in which I could speak freely, you are, none the less, very concerned with not letting me do anything that you care about me too much to let me do, or letting me do anything that you care too much about everyone else to let me do. This might seem absurd for a while but I will get used to it, in time. I will bide my time while you care about me, and I will learn to only do the things that you care about me enough to let me do, and not the things you care about me too much to let me do. At the end of the day, it is good to know that you either care about me enough to have made me do some things I didn't want to do and didn't really see the point of and say some things that I really don't think except that I know that you care about me enough to want me to say them so I am trying to get what you mean, like about what I should do that you care about me enough to care that I do or don't do, or, that you care about me too much to let me do some things that I really do actually and truly think about doing a lot and feel that I want to do. Even though I really want to do some things that you have really showed that you don't want me to do, it is good to know that although you might be acting like you really don't like me at all in every way in which I could assess whether or not I feel welcomed or liked, you really actually care about me a lot. Thanks for that. Luv ya.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2006, 02:44:59 PM »
OMG, thanks for sharing. I feel like I can totally relate to that, and a lot like I have been thinking about working my program and how I really feel about that. I feel like I don't want to. I feel rebellious, like, I don't know. I don't know, I feel scared. But I know that if I just work my program, and it can be as simple as just praying, or working my steps, I'M going to feel better at the end of the day, and that's what it's all about. Because, like, in my past, I remember this one time when I knew it, I felt like "I shouldn't be doing this", I felt so guilty and horrible, here I was like so far away from my folks and what they had been trying all their lives to give me, and that was just them being parents. And I was so ungrateful, I was such a sick and ungrateful low life druggie that my actions caused me to mess up and pretty much did take me to jails, institutions, and I could have died. Like five times I could have died. Like their was this one time I almost DID die, but I was so fucked up, and my druggie friends, who really didn't care if my ass died or not - all they cared about was getting high - were so, like, they weren't even watching, and I was like walking out on the ice, I was so high I thought I was three feet tall, even though I'm five-five, and I'm NOT a little guy, I was walking out on the ice, and like, when it started cracking you could hear it cracking like shots, but my druggie friends, they were so drunk and high and just messed up in their disease of selfishness, they had no idea I was out on the ice and it was starting to crack! I was like, fuck, is this it man? Am I going to die? ANd I puked up like seven beers and I was thinking to myself, god just don't let me die. I really don't want to die puking or drowning in freezing water. I wasn't as big then as I am now, but I was pushing 450 at that time, so you know, the ice was not where I should be, but in my own fucked up druggie mind I had a reason for being there. But I just ended up praying to God, and then I sat down and gave it up to him. I just lied down and the ice stopped cracking. Then this one girl skidded a pack of cigs across, like I was like fifty feet from the banks. Then everybody saw me and people started gettin up and like walking on the ice but luckily this one girl started screaming that everyone was going to die and I think that kind of bummed everyone's mellow out. But they skidded stuff across the ice to me all night, like pipes of marijuana, injectables, beers, the rest of the nachos and stuff. The temperature dropped and the ice froze better so by first light I could get up and go. Then it turned out I was frozen in my snowsuit onto the lake, so I had to take it off. I had like a t-shirt and pants but I never really got cold. Everyone was pretty much passed out or else puking at the edge of the party. THat was one time that I am grateful I didn't end up dying, and I thank my higher power. Like, I just shared, and that is working the steps, and I really do feel better. I feel like I have been given these tools to have a better life. I've been making all these changes, and I'm going to the lake again, a different lake. I have a permission for this weekend, and I am going to go to a lake, but this time I am going to be sober. I just needed to stop and take a look at myself and where I was heading to, and I am so grateful to my parents - I never thought I would be the guy saying this - for caring about me enough to want me to get better.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2006, 02:47:18 PM »
You know, hearing you share about almost dying but not dying, it just shows me that there is a reason why you are here, and this is the right place for you to be. To realize that you could have died, but that you didn't, and that you are here now realizing that you could have died but didn't, it just shows me that there really is a reason why we are all here. I'm just so grateful. That's all I wanted to share, thanks.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2006, 03:01:47 AM »
This is really great that you're sharing this with the group.  I can relate to feeling insecure and you just gotta work through them and apply the program.  I really appreciate the times like these when we get to share with others bycarrying the message and being a strong friend and showing concerns we have and taking them to our higher power instead of thinking we can handle it ourselves.  That's just your disease telling you that you've got it under control and that's when you need to accept he reality of the disease and take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.  Keep coming back because it works if you work it and you don't want to leave five minutes before the miracle happens like that one guy did and I heard he's either dead or in jail and I know he went crazy before he went to jail.  There's  a higher power that you need to turn your will and your life over to the care of, just take things one day at a time.  Easy does it,  just call your sponsor or read the big book whenever you start feeling your character defects coming out,  they'll know what to do.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2006, 12:46:28 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
That's just your disease telling you that you've got it under control

*shiver*[/code]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2006, 06:01:58 PM »
//bump\
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »