I did have a really interesting reunion last summer 2004 with two other gals I met while I was in Ft. Luderdale back in 1973.
By mutual plan, we ventured up to New York (from Floirda and Mich) for a "reunion" of sorts. One girl I'll call L, was someone I had remained friends with over the years. we shared life experiences beyond the seed - and we had fun over the years, but had lost touch about 10 or 12 years back. The other I'll call W, I had not laid eyes on in 30 some years. IT seemed to me that W was in some ways stuck in the seed. She spent the week asking probing program questions of me (and other strangers) and it wa difficult. I did not really feel like I owed an explanation to any one, let alone someone who claimed they knew me so well. Some might think here ...defensive. And probably so.
Now with L, she and I got caught up relatively quickly and found a common ground and were able to enjoy the mixture of old and new. She has put both of her kids into similar programs, and while I may not have choosen that path for my family, it was not my place to question or judge her choices as I am a virtual stranger - I don't pay her bills or walk in her shoes.
With the other girl, W, we were kind of stuck at the 15 to 17 year old range. I guess since she had always been the "more aware" seedling of the group and followed the inquisition line as a seedling, she assumed that role again.
In unfamiliar situations we always fall back on what it most familiar, right?
And for my part, I was met with memories of inquisition and accusation at every turn, so I obviously had on my "ear-cone filters of persecution" as they fit me so well...
Somehow, we found some small common ground for a week, but it was tough. We did try to keep the friendship going, but it crashed and burned. She was asking rhetorical quesitons, I was busy answering them, and no body was getting anything but frustrated. So, I chose to end the contact. Harsh, but I just could not see the point of it - I really felt like it was a waste of time.
Sometimes, the past should stay in the past. Were it not for being in that program, I doubt any of us would have even been friends.
Some lucky folks may have made actual friends while in there - but it didn't happen that way for me. I met maybe 7 people while I was in the seed I didn't love them all then and after 30 years, I still didn't love them all, not by any means. Well, except one who shall remain nameless.
In many ways, if I had a do-over, I'd go back to last summer and miss the plane. I realy thought about missing it at the last minute because honestly, I was afraid about going back to the past, going back to the seed. That's what it represented to me. And it was after this reunion that I got serious about coming to terms with my feelings about the seed and what happened to me as a result of being placed in that program.
So, was it a happy reunion? It was okay, that's all. Would I do it again? No. Maybe one on one where we both had a clear way out, but never in a group dynamic - that sends out the "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" robot-arm flapping response and I want to run in the opposite direction.
That's my story. I suppose the reuion was successful in that I was challenged to a new place psychologically and I am not stuck trying to operate under those rules anymore. But it was painful to start getting past that.
Maybe if not for the reunion, I'd still be trying to intergrate the program rules into my life, trying to manage an addiction I never had and failing miserably. So I guess the reunion was good for me in that respect. But it also brought home the fact of how few friends I really had at that time of my life - and it was a sad reminder of the loneliness that came with following the company line.
[ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-12-12 06:26 ][ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-12-12 06:34 ]
