Screann and others -
Thank you for the kind words and the advice. Most of it I have tried. That is the kind of conversation that helps a parent who feels worried relax a little bit. My son and I had a talk today and he did all the things I asked him to do to help make up for being out all night. But then he turned around and did it again. He sneaks out the minute I'm not looking.
I don't know if it would make a difference if I tried not saying anything at all...maybe it would be such a break from convention that it would jog something. The thing is, if he continues doing what he's doing, someone else is going to make the decision to send him somewhere. I don't think anywhere away from home is the best place for a child. Everyone should try to understand that I don't think it's possible that every parent who wants to send their kid to a behavior modification center is giving up. I think they are intensely worried and hoping to keep their child out of harm's way and legal trouble. I know that sounds crazy to some of you and I've heard all you've said. I'm not saying at all this is what I'm doing with my own son, not now after I've visited this forum.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when parents do stumble in here, and they have bags under their eyes from sleepless nights, and they've heard from school officials and police and other parents, and even perfect strangers, that your child is headed down crack avenue and needs intervention NOW, and their hair is falling out, and they're on the verge of losing jobs and can't concentrate on them anyway...don't attack them! Yes, some kids are messed up because their parents don't care or abuse them. But some kids are just angry because they don't fit it, or can't learn the same, or they've been in trouble so they don't care anymore....who knows all the complex reasons why. But once they're in that state, it's so very hard to reach them.
So please, hear a parent out before you attack. It is so hurtful. I know my child is in pain. I can see it. And for those of you who are parents, surely you understand that whatever hurt your child feels, you feel 100 times. When the doctor handles you your bundle of joy, he/she also hands you a bundle of worry and a bundle of guilt to go with it. My heart is already breaking enough without people jumping to outrageous conclusions about my motivations.
Take what you've learned and reach out to parents who come in here who are not total asses like Karen in Dallas (who ought to be held in restraints for the rest of her life and beaten by angry teenagers).
I know this forum is not really for parents. But we end up here anyway.
