Spring Creek Lodge

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

It is not my place again to tell them to put him in a out patient program. I know many people who have been in 30 day programs they are not abusive. I believe at this point we should be happy that he will be out of SCL soon. I don't believe we need to set up Ashley going to meetings with him. That all will fall into place. I am surprised that you haven't had her put in the out patient program you speak of already. The main difference about what you are doing with Ashley is nobody really knows. Will Alex be safe around her? When it came to Alex it was splattered all over the net. Not saying this in a bad way it is something that is just on my mind because it doesn't sound like she has been getting any treatment. It would be a shame for Alex to go through all this to end up back on drugs. I know most people have a relapse in my experience it happens when they get around old friend that haven't stopped.

Shelly I am home now give me a call

[Ashley's Mom]

On 2006-01-10 13:28:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:

"It is not my place again to tell them to put him in a out patient program. I know many people who have been in 30 day programs they are not abusive. I believe at this point we should be happy that he will be out of SCL soon. I don't believe we need to set up Ashley going to meetings with him. That all will fall into place. I am surprised that you haven't had her put in the out patient program you speak of already. The main difference about what you are doing with Ashley is nobody really knows. Will Alex be safe around her? When it came to Alex it was splattered all over the net. Not saying this in a bad way it is something that is just on my mind because it doesn't sound like she has been getting any treatment. It would be a shame for Alex to go through all this to end up back on drugs. I know most people have a relapse in my experience it happens when they get around old friend that haven't stopped.



Shelly I am home now give me a call"

Ashley is going to counseling, and random drug testing.  Maybe I am naive, but I believe her when she tells us that she was not using as frequently as you believe.  She is back in school, doing well and applying herself.  She is working, and gives me all of her paychecks to save for her.  She has very limited contact with any of her old friends, I can not keep her from talking to them in school.  She has been very open to everything we are doing, and is not fighting us.  She is hoping to get into College for Creative Studies, so she has been preparing her portfolio for admissions.  She realizes she made some very bad judgements, but knows now that her future is the most important, and at this time she wants Alex to be a part of that.  I do not believe she would do anything to hurt his recovery process, only everthing she can to help him.  She hasn't been placed in any treatment program as thus far she has made a great effort to prove to us she is changing.  If this changes, trust me, I know the first place I will be calling.  If you want to know anything else, please, just ask.  I am just glad we are finally communicating instead of fighting.

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

That is nice to hear. You have to admit with everything going on, then the vandalism thing (even if it wasn't Ashley) the timing was sure right. It scared her and confused her. I am sure a lot of people would feel the same way.

When they got busted Jacki realized he needed Ashley to talk to that is why Jacki and Joe aloud them to see each other. It just spun out of control.

They have been reading the helpful things that is being sent to them. I want to thank WWFSMD and Exit Plan. In the beginning you may not have understood a few things but I think as you learned more maybe you seen that I was here to help you gave me very helpful information. There was a few ANON also. I think it was WWFSMD that said read through and ignore the unhelpful things, and get a screen name. My sister was unable to do that and I understand why. It was hard for me also.

I hope we all can open our minds and realize what everyone is going through. When they sent him there they were under the impression that this place had everything he needed including school, like he wanted.

[Anonymous]

I think it's tough to share local resources sometimes because I'm over here in CA and you're in Michigan.  I wished I could have been more help.  Maybe you could ask Alex's physician for a reference, preferably something covered by his insurance plan.  Even if Alex can't be that close to home and was denied by his first choice, I imagine there's another inpatient within an hour or so radius of his home.  Otherwise I would try the phone book or call local therapists and ask for referrals.

Like everyone says, the family ought to be able to communicate.  If she could drop in a few times a week for family therapy and visits, that would really help his treatment.  When someone goes into therapy for drugs they often say, this is a family problem and the whole family needs therapy to deal with other issues.  This is essential to creating a home environment where the drug user can stay sober.  

Here's a unique idea- what if you hired Alex an adult "babysitter" of sorts during all unsupervised hours?  It could be an older sibling, responsible family member, whatever.  This would still be cheaper than SCL.  Just talk to Alex about it, maybe let him help pick the person, and explain that during the possible transition phase from SCL into treatment that everyone wants to make sure he maintains his sobriety and stays safe.  Also, maybe it would also be easier for Ashley to visit with Alex if a neutral person was around at first, rather than family, since it seems you all might still be pretty emotional under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-10 16:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

 



Here's a unique idea- what if you hired Alex an adult "babysitter" of sorts during all unsupervised hours?  It could be an older sibling, responsible family member, whatever.  This would still be cheaper than SCL.  Just talk to Alex about it, maybe let him help pick the person, and explain that during the possible transition phase from SCL into treatment that everyone wants to make sure he maintains his sobriety and stays safe.  Also, maybe it would also be easier for Ashley to visit with Alex if a neutral person was around at first, rather than family, since it seems you all might still be pretty emotional under the circumstances."

I think the adult babysitter or companion is a great idea -- I never really thought of that before.  That is what people need to hear is good creative advice not bashing  :tup:

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

Thanks you. I will give the info to them so they have it to think about. They are making plans for his transition. I also Believe they need a family style therapist on top of drug therapy. I believe things are heading in the right direction. I have been given some resources and we are using them.

[WWFSMD]

On 2006-01-10 16:03:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:

 I think it was WWFSMD that said read through and ignore the unhelpful things, and get a screen name.

I said ignore the childish remarks, but don't mistake me for saying to disregard angry posters.  They've earned the right to that anger.  They're no longer expected to just sit quietly by while all the insanity swirls around them.

I'm also not convinced at all that Alex is in any major, life-threatening trouble here.  I know the knee-jerk reaction from most parents is to really freak out when they find out their kids are experimenting in drugs or if there is an abrupt change in personality and friends but its just dead wrong IMO.  Most kids find their own way.  So many parents seem to be looking for a way to control their kids.  I've seen it posted here and other sites numerous times.  "Oh, they're almost 18?  Better hurry up, you don't have much time left" etc.  At a time in their lives when its NORMAL for them to rebell, NORMAL for them to scare the life out of us, NORMAL to make impulsive, irrational and sometimes dangerous decisions, people are trying to control them, put some bubble around them until the parents feel they're "wise enough" to handle life.  They're not gonna get wise until they have LIFE EXPERIENCE.  That's not what happens when you disrupt the natural process of breaking away, finding thier own identity and autonomy.  That process gets stunted or stifled completely.  While I obviously understand the desire to protect our kids from harm, self inflicted and otherwise, ultimately we can't.  They have to be able to protect themselves, they have to be able to figure out what's important to them and they are NOT going to learn that sitting in some room being force-fed with bullshit about having a "drug problem" before they even hit 18.  Things have just gotten ridiculous.  

I'm glad to see that people are talking to each other, I really am.  I hope that continues.  I hope you still post or at least read here.  If you do, be prepared to be challenged on some of your views.  There's a wealth of information here if you look.  I gotta say that it grinds my gears that Alex's mom "can't bear to read" here.  I have the same reaction every time I hear someone say "oh, you don't know how hard this was for the parents to do". :roll:   If she can't bear to read it, how must Alex feel having to live it?

They know that it is human nature to take up causes whereby a man may oppress his neighbor, no matter how unjustly. ... Hence they have had no trouble in finding men who would preach the damnability and heresy of the new doctrine from the very pulpit.
--Galileo Galilei, Italian astronomer

[WWFSMD]

On 2006-01-10 16:40:00, Anonymous wrote:


Here's a unique idea- what if you hired Alex an adult "babysitter" of sorts during all unsupervised hours?  It could be an older sibling, responsible family member, whatever.  This would still be cheaper than SCL.

What???   :evil:

Creationists make it sound like a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
--Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author

[Ashley's Mom]

On 2006-01-10 17:18:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:

"Thanks you. I will give the info to them so they have it to think about. They are making plans for his transition. I also Believe they need a family style therapist on top of drug therapy. I believe things are heading in the right direction. I have been given some resources and we are using them."

I just hope whatever they do decide to do for Alex that someone keeps us/Ashley updated.  It would be very much appreciated if we were allowed to know where he is placed.

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

she can't bear to read here because of how she was being bashed she came to site to find info to see what truth was here.

Everyone handles things different.
 
We all have been talking about and thinking how Alex feels. There is much more going on then what is posted here in the family.

Sorry it grinds your gears to hear someone say "oh, you don't know how hard this was for the parents to do this. It could have something to do with what you went through. I am sure you have heard it many times. That is why these places make billions.

[Ashley's Mom]

On 2006-01-10 17:26:00, WWFSMD wrote:

"

On 2006-01-10 16:03:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:


 I think it was WWFSMD that said read through and ignore the unhelpful things, and get a screen name.

I said ignore the childish remarks, but don't mistake me for saying to disregard angry posters.  They've earned the right to that anger.  They're no longer expected to just sit quietly by while all the insanity swirls around them.



I'm also not convinced at all that Alex is in any major, life-threatening trouble here.  I know the knee-jerk reaction from most parents is to really freak out when they find out their kids are experimenting in drugs or if there is an abrupt change in personality and friends but its just dead wrong IMO.  Most kids find their own way.  So many parents seem to be looking for a way to control their kids.  I've seen it posted here and other sites numerous times.  "Oh, they're almost 18?  Better hurry up, you don't have much time left" etc.  At a time in their lives when its NORMAL for them to rebell, NORMAL for them to scare the life out of us, NORMAL to make impulsive, irrational and sometimes dangerous decisions, people are trying to control them, put some bubble around them until the parents feel they're "wise enough" to handle life.  They're not gonna get wise until they have LIFE EXPERIENCE.  That's not what happens when you disrupt the natural process of breaking away, finding thier own identity and autonomy.  That process gets stunted or stifled completely.  While I obviously understand the desire to protect our kids from harm, self inflicted and otherwise, ultimately we can't.  They have to be able to protect themselves, they have to be able to figure out what's important to them and they are NOT going to learn that sitting in some room being force-fed with bullshit about having a "drug problem" before they even hit 18.  Things have just gotten ridiculous.  



I'm glad to see that people are talking to each other, I really am.  I hope that continues.  I hope you still post or at least read here.  If you do, be prepared to be challenged on some of your views.  There's a wealth of information here if you look.  I gotta say that it grinds my gears that Alex's mom "can't bear to read" here.  I have the same reaction every time I hear someone say "oh, you don't know how hard this was for the parents to do". :roll:   If she can't bear to read it, how must Alex feel having to live it?

They know that it is human nature to take up causes whereby a man may oppress his neighbor, no matter how unjustly. ... Hence they have had no trouble in finding men who would preach the damnability and heresy of the new doctrine from the very pulpit.
--Galileo Galilei, Italian astronomer

"

Believe me, this has been an eye opening experience for us.  We never even knew about these places until all of this.  I am sure after all of this is over, we will continue to come on this forum and see if there has been any progress in the shutting down of these horrible so called "programs".  It amazes me that they have been around for so many years, and with all of the negative feedback, they are still in existence.

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

I will do my best. I do understand she loves him and he loves her.

[CaughtInTheMiddle]

On 2006-01-10 17:31:00, WWFSMD wrote:

"

On 2006-01-10 16:40:00, Anonymous wrote:



Here's a unique idea- what if you hired Alex an adult "babysitter" of sorts during all unsupervised hours?  It could be an older sibling, responsible family member, whatever.  This would still be cheaper than SCL.

What???   :evil:

Creationists make it sound like a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
--Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author

"

 :lol:  they had good intentions

[Ashley's Mom]

On 2006-01-10 17:42:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:

"I will do my best. I do understand she loves him and he loves her."

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-10 17:43:00, CaughtInTheMiddle wrote:

"

On 2006-01-10 17:31:00, WWFSMD wrote:


"

On 2006-01-10 16:40:00, Anonymous wrote:




Here's a unique idea- what if you hired Alex an adult "babysitter" of sorts during all unsupervised hours?  It could be an older sibling, responsible family member, whatever.  This would still be cheaper than SCL.

What???   :evil:

Creationists make it sound like a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
--Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author

"

 :lol:  they had good intentions"

I'm the one who suggested it, and I really did have good intentions.  I think I could have explained my rationale better.  What I meant to say is that I think it would be best, in my opinion, to get him out of SCL ASAP whether or not they've found another program for him to enter just yet.  And, yes, that they could arrange to have him supervised with dignity.  If it was a family member, he could go to the mall, the movies, talk on the phone, get on the internet, but have someone who cares present so that he can't use drugs.  That way he wouldn't be belittled, restrained, etc.  I agree that this is not a long term solution- no way.  I was just trying to be creative and thought the parents might find this acceptable compared with what it sounds like is their nightmare- that he'll come home and use drugs because he hasn't received worthwhile treatment yet.