How did your program end ?

[FueLaw]

This is really an off shoot of the "Why did you stay away" thread.

For me I was in the 5 month (on average, program length was double if you were sent by court) program for 13 1/2 months. I had one refresher and one start over. I started at Tropical Park and then went to Broward (SR 84) when Barker got chicken shit and left Dade.

For about the first 8+ months I fought the program like a motherfucker. That was the reason for the refresher and start over. I didn't like the Seed and I was angry at the world for being in there. I knew it was all a bunch of shit by I had no real way of fighting it. I was 14 years old, 5'0" and weighed about 95 lbs.

After I got started over , I was away from home for 36 days the last time. I was then on the phase where you go to school but come in after school everyday and all day on weekends. I almost failed 10th grade due to excessive absences.

I then became an old comer and thats pretty much when my program ended. I continued going to the Seed my required week nights and one weekend day but I basically stopped participating in anything and everyting. I was rarely called on in group and most of the time a staff member would let me do bathroom sign in or some other worthless endeavor to kill off the time. It was weird I didn't fight them and they didn't fight me. Sort of a like an unwritten truce.

This goes on for about 5 months and I had putting my name in for graduation. (Remember in those days you had to sign in for graduation or to become an old comer ect...) I am being a good kid and not making waves but still not being graduated. I made great grades in school which saved me from failing. Nobody said anything to me and I was too scared to ask staff anything.  

Then my parents after over 13 months finally started becoming a little tired off all the games but for some reason I had to graduate I couldn't just quit going.  Most of my friends had graduated or quit the program. I was a real life old timer at the age of 15.

On July 4, 1974 my parents scheduled a meeting with staff concerning my status. We arrived at our appointed time and waited until Penny (the black lady who could realy sing) meet with us. I was almost as scared then as I was on my intake interview. The meeting was somewhat awkward as my parents began firing away at Penny as to why I had not been graduated when other seemingly less deserving kids did.  She had no answers and my parents became even more aggreessive demanding to know how my continued participation was going to benefit me. The basically told Penny that they thought I had gotten enough out of the program and that I should be graduated. Penny sat stunned and almost didn't know what to say.

In retrospect I guess staff was not used to being challenged specially on what the program was doing for a particular kid. Penny then conceded that she was not in position to make a decision on this matter and that it would be up to John Underwood. She left the room and we waited for Underwood. It must have been about 10-15 minutes but it seemed like hours then. While waiting for Underwood I'll concede I was as nervous as a whore in church. If things went well I got my long awaited freedom if not it was back to the group but this time having really challenged the staff in regards to the purpose of the program. In other words I was really scared of this meeting backfiring on me.

Underwood gets to the meeting and greets my parents and even smiles at me. My father had always liked Underwood the most of any staff member, and even to this day will swear by Underwood but not by Barker, Libby or anyone else. He felt Underwood was a straight shooter and would level with him. Things could not have gone better for me. My father told Underwood that they believed I had got all I could from the program and Underwood actually agreed. I almost fainted. The discussion then turned to the manner in which I would be graduated. Underwood told me I would not graduate that day because it would not look right to graduate under these circumstances. I wasn't going to argue, just knowing this ordeal would end soon was enough for me.

The meeting concludes a few minutes later with my parents leaving and me heading back to the group. It was one of the few times Underwood said something nice to me. He congratulated me and sticking it out and never quiting.

A few days later I arrive late to the evening meeting and did not put my name on the list to graduate. I was disappointed but resigned to the fact that I would have to go to a few more meetings. At the end of the meeting Libby who was leading the rap that night calls out my name and I nervously stand up. She then announces I graduated and the whole place goes into applause. I get to yell out "We sing jingle bells..." and the meeting ends. I shake hands with a number of people and leave the SR 84 facilty for the last time.

To this day I remember feeling an overwhelming feeling of relief. Knowing that I did not have to go back to the group another day was an awesome feeling. Not having to ask permission to go to the store or a footabll game was also a relief. I was finally free and I really didn't know how to feel.

The reason I didn't go back is that there was nothing for me to go back to. I never realy felt like I was a part of the group or that I belonged in the group. I knew it was all a bunch of shit but I was just glad my own personal nightmare and hell was ending. I was so happy and relieved to be gone I had no desire to return. Leaving for me was easy. The old timers meetings were nothing but a bunch of bs and I wasn't go to go if I did not have to. [ This Message was edited by: FueLaw on 2005-11-26 12:00 ]

[Stripe]

Interesting story, Fuelaw. Knowing that your parents were there to discuss your program status, it's interesting, dare I say obviously manipulative, that they would send someone to meet with them who had no authority whatsoever to provide them with a decision concerning your status. And then dragging it out for a few more days is just another obvious ploy to assert control over you.  Once you were resigned to having to come a few more times (i.e. broken) they let you go.  

I guess my experience ended in a wimper rather a bang. Perhaps they clapped, I don't remember.   I was in from March 1973 to sometime in July 1973 doing the seed shuffle.  I don't recall having to sign up or request graduate status, but maybe I did.  From what I remember, my name was called and it just kind of happened that night. It was right after the required minimum time, so I guess I was straight enough for government work.

What I do remember so vividly about reaching graduate status was that I was leaving my brother there - in the group, still on the program and I felt really, really bad about that.  Although we never spoke about the fucked-up-ness of the whole scene until afterwards, I always felt safer when he was in the group and I felt really torn about reaching graduate status.  He is a few years older than me, was probably 19 years old at the time, so it would figure that they would keep a 19 year old on the string much longer than a 15 year old.

Anyway, he finally made it too.  After he graduated in October 1973, we both quit going. I think we went to one old timer rap together and that was it.  He was off to college in Janaury of 1974 and I was on to bigger and better  activity... :smile: [ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-11-29 09:52 ][ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-11-29 09:54 ]