Sorry...
Yeah when i first got outta str8 i wanted to take all kind of violent and radical action. As i've described, like throwin' a malotov cocktail thru the front window of the buildin', but i never did it. i kept all that anger and rage inside of me and it came out in some anti-social ways. stealin' and thievin' 'n' such. Drinkin' all the time. And jus' generally not trustin hide nor hair of anyone. i stayed blitzed for about 15 years. i'm still fucked up now. Oh yeah.
After i was outta str8 for a while and i was still just as pissed off, if not more than ever i realized that there would never be a way to make up for what i had lost. Never.
i'm not even really sure when i realized that, or if it happenend gradually over an extended period of time or what. i did a lot of fucked up shit, i guess. i'm still not really sure how i should judge my own actions, because i'm so fucked up from bein' in Str8 when i was 16,17 and 18 and 19 that i lack certain social perspectives. But yeah i done alot of fucked up shit tryin' to get over Str8. i've taken all kinds of wrong turns and found myself starin' down all kin' o' ugly beasts, not knowin if i was safe or not, or if the door would be busted open any second and i would be hauled away to some secret prison for people who really know what's happenin' or what 'n' ...ya know...
So i've spent some time on it...'n' wondered what i should do...
i really don' know but i jus' am tired of bein' angry 'n' mean about it. i know what's up but i'm jus done sufferin' for it. Well...Not sayin' i won't suffer willingly, if it seemed necessary and appropraite, but that they aint gonna make me suffer no more for them. i aint gonna react to them. Fuck those idiots. i know what's up regardless of whether they live or die, suffer or thrive. It jus' makes no nevermind to me.
i have been on this course from the time i was a little boy. i seen all this shit comin' for such a long time. i knew about str8 before i knew about Str8, which is to say i have always recognized the hallmarks of exploitation and oppression. i known about this shit jus' from my mama teachin' me, when i was 5 outta native American history books how the natives of this land were forced onto reservations by the Feds. She read to me as we drove cross country in about 1973. Broken treaty after broken treaty. Slaughter after slaughter. i knew public school was jus' a brainwash education, tryin' ta make us the fools. i wasn' surprised when i walked into group. i saw all along how fucked up the system was. All you have to do is study the history and you will see that there is a long established pattern of exploitation and oppression in America.
So i have been stealed against all this for a very, very long time. i am a warrior. i cannot allow my personal feelings to interfere with what i must do. i have no desire for revenge. There is no hope of justice. i will simply break the chains and walk away. Fuck them anyway. They were always afraid of me, anyhow, why not simply live my life, the best i can, with intention(with the wounds i carry) ?? i am aware of them. i am an Anarchist and they are an Institution. i want to be free and they want to control. i know what i know and i'm livin' my life and tryin' my best to see the truth. i' been fightin' oppression since long before i was in str8. i think that is the main reason that they put me in there in the first place, they feared my vision. Revenge is nothin'. i'm out to annihilate oppression.
i don' know, somethin' like that...
::dove:: ::dove:: :skull:
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.
