wtaylorg, it's great to hear you are doing well.
As I posted once before, you and I spent several days distributing flyers in the early 80's. Also, paraphrasing Cleveland, if there was anything real about my experience, it was getting to know people like you there, who in my book were more authentic than 99% of the others.
All I can say is, you missed nothing original all the years to follow '85, to the very end.
A few of us weathered the storm and decided to be unpopular, while we made decisions that went against "staff" simply because they continued to promote the old party line that a real education was "bullshit," unless you had a "calling" like certain members that seemed to come from a line of doctors or lawyers. Or better yet, according to the top dog, "if you had that unmistakable aura of a politician or some other high ranking member of society, then you should go to school, just don't forget who made you.? IMO so much of it was about imaginary "blue blood lineage.". . . if you know what I mean.
About the only element of goodness I have remaining from all those years are certain positive points in my life, which I do attribute to the experience, regardless of human flaws, great or small. However, I have had to work hard, and continue to, trying to shed the hardened, competitive, paranoid, insecure, stressed-out edge that environment so effectively promoted. I, despite the strong opinions of many individuals who post, do not hate or resent anyone there, but I do feel sorry for them because despite (as anon wrote above the "unusual closeness") almost all of my "friends" there hardly knew people like you or me at all. I hate to quote popular culture, but when it came to the relationship between that group and me, I am reminded of Madonna's song "Nobody Knows Me." The same is true for me not knowing them.
I would like to believe that if they had really listened to what they were preaching things would have ended radically different, but many of the ones preaching had tremendous egos, so what can we expect, right? The worst for me was feeling the loss of friends at the very end. Without getting too overdramatic, I spent several nights in tears wondering if the emptiness I had been left with would ever go away. I can forgive, but am aware that those in power knew that their selfish decisions would unravel a wave of pain for so many of my friends who were so blind to manipulation and deceit on the part of the leadership. It took me at least one year to start seeing the "clear as day writing on the wall." But it was beautiful to wake up one morning and feel really free. The irony is of course that I thank all the ones who brought it all down because they did us one hellofa lifetime favor. Thank You wherever you all ran to. Obviously, I do not believe my version is the absolute Truth, but the funny part is that it no longer has to be for me to be free.
I know of one case that, IMO, couldn't live without the "falsely imposed structure" and threw himself in what I would consider a religious cult, within one year of the experience. I, on the other hand, have not gotten over an uneasiness with being a part of any group.
For you it was leaving that lifted the fog. For me it took witnessing the final days, when all the key players had had enough time to settle in to a comfortable place, where they could really start playing games with peoples' lives and loyalties. The myth died for me when not soon after that, I realized I never really wanted to be there or even wanted to ever know most of those people. They were very different than who I was and how I wanted to live my life. Perhaps, like you, I should have had the guts to walk away a long time ago, but. . .no regrets at this point, just working on a new place I can call my own.
I have decided, in fact, that except for one or two people that were always transparent about their lives and did not try to manipulate me or the way I looked at them, I want very little to do with the people I knew from that era. Actually, for the first time I really am applying the saying, which they taught me: "We are not really good for each other, so you go along your way, and I will find the road to where I want to be . . ." Best Wishes and Good Luck On Your Journey.
::rainbow:: [ This Message was edited by: 80's Guy on 2005-09-23 08:48 ][ This Message was edited by: 80's Guy on 2005-09-23 09:06 ]
