July 11, 2005
Parents Pull Kids From School
By The Elan Reporter's Assistant
A group of 20 parents have simultaneously pulled their children out of the Elan School, a boarding school for troubled teens in Poland Spring, Maine, after its owner refused to fire the school's Indian Chief director for various alleged sexual offenses against children.
Marty "Big Chief Rubberdick" Kruglik has been spotted numerous times walking the grounds of the Elan School and nearby woods, completely naked except for warpaint made of fecal matter and a tomahawk that he sometimes hurls at any photographer who comes too close.
"Me suh no like photographs, hi yuh yuh," Kruglik said, when an Elan Times photographer attempted to capture him in costume.
Sharon Terry, the school's owner defended her continued employment of Kruglik and said parents were overreacting.
"The darn Injun works for $250 a week -- where ya gonna find cheap help like that?" Terry said. "I'd lose a lot of money paying for real therapists. Besides, the benefit of having Marty around is double; the kids get therapy and they are indoctrinated in the ancient ways of the Great Spirit Injun in the sky."
When asked what those ancient ways are, Terry replied, "I dunno, but Marty tells me he takes a real hands-on approach. Then he says, 'Hi-yuh, hi-yuh, or some Injun talk I can't understand."
When called for comment, Kruglik said, "Me suh quality professional therapist sent by Great Spirit."
