How in the hell did you guys take it?

[OverLordd]

Ok, Look after reading all this shit you guys went through in the 80's I really have got to know, how in the hell did you not snap?

I mean, if I went through half that stuff, I would get a knife, and start slitting peoples throats, apprently you were allowed in the kittchen by second level so it could'ent of been that hard, and when you were allowed home as well. I would fucking maul each and every person that ever did anything to me (including student/staff), I would tie down the staff and slit their wrists for them. I just dont get it. I would of fucking freaked and started killing people, a person with a knife against unarmed people can go along away before he get draged down to the ground. You guys were alot stronger than me. so I ask you, how in the hell did you not snap?

Or maybe the kitchen thing was seed, I dont know, I get it mixed up[ This Message was edited by: OverLordd on 2005-06-28 14:00 ]

[Anonymous]

Brainwashing kicked in to the point of me believing I deserved to be there because I was a rotten person. Plus I lived 2 hours away from where I was placed. I ran away twice and was fooled into coming back. I was in some strange suburb I had never been to before. I didn't know where to turn. I could not even remember my long time friends phone numbers or last names to even call information for the number. All I could remember was my mom's number.Then there was the whole thing of making friends there and the thought of me never seeing them again was too unsettling to leave when I finally made it to the outside world for school.

[Anonymous]

Overlordd -- Some people there did attempt this sort of thing. If I had time and more of a yen to, I'd give some more details.

[Antigen]

Yeah, it happened occasionally. But most of the time, people are just not that agressive. You think you're ready to tear somebody up. You may even fantasize about terrible things happening to your tormentors. But, when it comes down to it, most people will just take it for as long as they have to rather than engage in a hopeless fight.

That's how the brainwashing sets in. After awhile of going along, playing the part, you begin to believe it.

What is a committee?  A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.    
-- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960

[starry-eyed pirate]

i did resort to violence, more times than i can count or care to remember.  i did everything i could to resist their invasion of my mind.  One time, while i was on my first cop-out, i even did pull a knife on some 7-steppers/staff that were tryin' to kidnap me to take me back to the program.  i threatened to slit the one muther fuckers throat, but i couldn't press the blade into him. i didn't really want to hurt anyone. i just wanted my autonomy back. i just wanted to walk free with my own thoughts again.
i engaged 5th phasers in fist fights during group.  At other times i tried civil disobedience, like refusing to motivate.  i sat with my hand down for like a month or something.  Another time after returnin' from my 3rd cop-out(i was gone for a month and livin' like a hunted animal) i misbehaved hardcore for at least a month.  i was put on "consequences", which means that i was not allowed any condiments like catsup or sugar, the only thing i was allowed to drink was water.  i had to ask for everything i needed by beginning my request with the words: "by the courtesy of your humble host-home, may i please"... If for example i needed to brush my teeth i would have to ask to pick up my toothbrush like this: "By the courtesy of your humble host-home may i please pick up my toothbrush" Straight was doing there best to humiliate and degrade me. Other consequences included not being able to look into a mirror, military showers; 30 seconds with the water on, 30 seconds to soap up and 30 seconds to rinse, the list of consequences goes on and on but it's too humiliating for me to even get into on this forum.
i was strip searched every night(not cavity searched) and i was put on sleep deprivation which means i was forced to sit straight up in a hard wooden chair in my underwear until like about 3 a.m. then i would finally be allowed to sleep until 6 a.m.  The oldcomers would take shifts stayin' up, being "aware of me". So on top of all the intensity of being in group all day long, sitting up straight in my chair and paying attention to whoever was talking, and being restrained ocasionally, i was only getting 3 hours of sleep per night. It was hell.  i think that lasted for about a week or maybe 10 days. i don't think i ever felt more alone and foresaken in the world than when i was in straight on consequences, being strip searched nightly and kept awake for 21 hours out of each day.
 i took off runnin' every chance i got.  i even managed to cop-out off of first phase once.  finaly the 4th time i copped out i stole a truck and was subsequently arrested and court ordered to complete the program by the state of VA.  i was finally intimidated enough that i surrendered my integrity.  i was finally so lost, beaten, tired and lonesome that i gave myself up and i let the beast in.
i didn't take it.  Straight took me.
Fuck straight. Fuck all authority.
"Babylon system is the vampire, suckin' the blood of the sufferahs" - Bob Marley and the Wailers.

"It is not those who can inflict the most but those who can suffer the most who will conquer"
-Terence MacSwiney,(1879-1920), Lord mayor of Cork, who died in Brixton jail, after a 73 day hunger strike, protesting the English occupation of Ireland

PEACE. :skull:  :skull:  :skull:

[Anonymous]

Oh my...my first day I thought all day long about how I was going to break out that night. I knew I could do it, I didn't really care what happened, I was getting out. And we were staying in the city so I figured I could hide well. Even though it was about 30 degrees my first night and iced over. I didn't care. Well, I guess I was so upset from the whole day of crying and wanting to kill my mom and plotting my escape, that I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow. I think I fell asleep before we even got keyed in. Actually that happened to me pretty much every night I can remember. I don't remember ever being awake past pretty much the moment I layed down. It was too exhausting. And the fighting thing...well, you could fight but what for? You'd be tackled, sat on, and then screamed at for at least a week or longer, if not put in isolation for a day. And then some people would do that, and then resort to carving in their arms as the only way to rebel again, writing things in their blood on the back of the chairs in front of them. Flicking blood around and just generally being an ass and starting fights. I was already exhausted...how could I do that? Plus you couldn't do shit, you couldn't even let your arms relax a little without 5 girls on your shit telling you to straighten them and starting to straighten them for you. Just doing that would have ended up in being sat on for an hour. Looking down could have ended up in being sat on for an hour. It was easier to just look up, straighten my arms...and sit there.

[linchpin]

I was 12 years old (perhaps 13) and endured a year of Straight..
 I was a sociable kid before...no drug use ...smoked a little weed and drank parents beer here and there..
 After straight my self esteem was destroyed and I couldnt hardly go into public..
 Took 13 years of heroin to forget..
 But my self hate has dissolved ...but I tend to be very very aggressive with people now.
 I enjoy hurting people and trust very few people..
When I feel even a hint of disrespect from anyone I bite hard.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-06-28 13:38:00, OverLordd wrote:

I mean, if I went through half that stuff, I would get a knife, and start slitting peoples throats, apprently you were allowed in the kittchen by second level so it could'ent of been that hard, and when you were allowed home as well. I would fucking maul each and every person that ever did anything to me (including student/staff), I would tie down the staff and slit their wrists for them. I just dont get it. I would of fucking freaked and started killing people, a person with a knife against unarmed people can go along away before he get draged down to the ground. You guys were alot stronger than me. so I ask you, how in the hell did you not snap?>[ This Message was edited by: OverLordd on 2005-06-28 14:00 ]"

we had sporkes.  I guess you could have cut someone with a plastic sporke, but I doubt you could have slit anyone's throat.

[OverLordd]

we had sporkes. I guess you could have cut someone with a plastic sporke, but I doubt you could have slit anyone's throat.

Hehe, you would be surprised, I was taught how to kill some one with one hand in Boy Scouts... but maybe that was just my troop...

Took 13 years of heroin to forget..

Are you still addictied? You will have to forgive my ignorance, the most education I got about drugs was what I pick up here and there and the "Dont do it." bit, but does not heroin fuck with you chemically and make it so your body has to have it to live. Correct me if im wrong please.

And the fighting thing...well, you could fight but what for?

Dude, you fight because you still can, you fight because you have to, you fight because they (they being whoever you happen to hate at the time, not just stright but this can be applyed else where) are wrong, and you have to fight what is wrong, its the american fucking way!!!!

Thats enough from me, please continue.

Oh, one thing I wanna ask, who of you will go to the mat for what you believe, I mean really fucking go to the mat, fight,bleed,die, and suffer for what you hold true and right. And who of you told these people that they were wrong, on anything, the simple things, hell even if it was the fucking color of the sky. Once I got the shit kicked out of me because I refused to call the sky red (long story, it was the princple more than the fact)

[ This Message was edited by: OverLordd on 2005-06-28 20:09 ]

[Anonymous]

On 2005-06-28 20:06:00, OverLordd wrote:

"

we had sporkes. I guess you could have cut someone with a plastic sporke, but I doubt you could have slit anyone's throat.

Hehe, you would be surprised, I was taught how to kill some one with one hand in Boy Scouts... but maybe that was just my troop...

Took 13 years of heroin to forget..

Are you still addictied? You will have to forgive my ignorance, the most education I got about drugs was what I pick up here and there and the "Dont do it." bit, but does not heroin fuck with you chemically and make it so your body has to have it to live. Correct me if im wrong please.

And the fighting thing...well, you could fight but what for?

Dude, you fight because you still can, you fight because you have to, you fight because they (they being whoever you happen to hate at the time, not just stright but this can be applyed else where) are wrong, and you have to fight what is wrong, its the american fucking way!!!!



Thats enough from me, please continue.



Oh, one thing I wanna ask, who of you will go to the mat for what you believe, I mean really fucking go to the mat, fight,bleed,die, and suffer for what you hold true and right. And who of you told these people that they were wrong, on anything, the simple things, hell even if it was the fucking color of the sky. Once I got the shit kicked out of me because I refused to call the sky red (long story, it was the princple more than the fact)



[ This Message was edited by: OverLordd on 2005-06-28 20:09 ]"

Of course I spoke up while in my program. It didn't help. Kicked chairs, threw chairs, told the audience of brainwashed parents that the place was a concentration camp and we were all being brainwashed. If anything it at least gave some temporary shock value to see someone that was near the completion of her program to lose it and give up.

After my episode I was set back and still had to stay in the program. It felt pretty hopeless at that point. Was doped up on psych meds. This is the period where I did start having fantasies of harming people there.

It's easy to say fight and do this or that, but that place was very powerful in breaking people's spirits and every single one of us was sleep deprived. They had a way of making me feel I deserved to be there as much as I hated it.

Hell where is a 15 year old chick going to go when there is no one out there to help. I wasn't willing to be a prostitute on the streets and I wasn't old enough to be on my own.

Yes, I would fight tooth and nail to death for something I believed in. More specifically I would not hesitate to harm anyone that tried to harm my children.

[Anonymous]

I remember fighting. I fought and was restrained and i had a person on both legs, both arms and my head. I dont mean holding my arms and leggs, I mean sitting on them for hours. I did fight! you had to be good to get to second phase and that was after a month or 2 of being good and looking honest once you get there u think, do i run away and have nowhere to live? or do i try and finish so i can go home? If you want to fight people that brainwash you, fighting has to be done in your head. The screaming and kicking and fighting did no good. When I misbehaved i was looked at as a freak! I was an object to be discarded. I was a nobody. It was in your brain you had to fight. I tried to relieve my pain and confusion in my head by using my nails that they cut so short they had bleed. I would still use then to scrape the skin off my arms and blood would drip down my arms and I would use that blood to draw a picture on the back of a blue chair. I have the scars. I have cut my wrists. I have been in oxygen chambers to get the carbon monoxide out of my blood. People have killed there parents after getting out. So you would have freaked out? What the fuck do u think i have been doing for the last 20 years? I dont know how to fix me! You know many therapist and cousolors that know how to heal a brainwashed person? this church of scientology they talk about, i have one down the street. Sometimes i think i should check it out cause maybe I do belong with brainwashed people. I would know how to fit in. I am angry right now cause I dont have the answers for myself but you have to have been there to really understand how we fought. Every little body in that place learned how to fight there. they made us fight eachother. oh and u really think u would want to kill other kids with a spork u maybe able to get one down but try 100 kids, cause thats how many u have to get down to get to freedom.

[OverLordd]

I am angry right now cause I dont have the answers for myself but you have to have been there to really understand how we fought. Every little body in that place learned how to fight there. they made us fight eachother. oh and u really think u would want to kill other kids with a spork u maybe able to get one down but try 100 kids, cause thats how many u have to get down to get to freedom.

You have been through hell and back again, and I respect that so so much. If I have not made that clear to you guys I appolgize, I respect all of you more than you know, for what you have been through and the fact that your still here to tell others about it. One thing I dont understand, you read about riots at some of the current schools, all the students fighting back, why was there nothing like this at straight? Or was there? And about the spork thing... I would fight with my frists before I used one of those, hehe, spork.. its a funny word if you just think about it... spork... hehe  :rofl: So here is one question I guess it boils down to, why in the hell did other kids help keep you there, that is completely alien to me and I dont think I could understand.

P.S. Man stay away from the cults, you dont need them (to the anon)

[Anonymous]

There are so many reasons. Partly, we weren't allowed to look at each other let alone talk until we made it to second phase. That could take months and months, until they thought you were really honest. By the time you got THERE, you were probably at least partly brainwashed already. But there was no way to conspire, because there was no talking.

[The Graduate]

On 2005-06-29 05:37:00, OverLordd wrote:

"

I am angry right now cause I dont have the answers for myself but you have to have been there to really understand how we fought. Every little body in that place learned how to fight there. they made us fight eachother. oh and u really think u would want to kill other kids with a spork u maybe able to get one down but try 100 kids, cause thats how many u have to get down to get to freedom.

You have been through hell and back again, and I respect that so so much. If I have not made that clear to you guys I appolgize, I respect all of you more than you know, for what you have been through and the fact that your still here to tell others about it. One thing I dont understand, you read about riots at some of the current schools, all the students fighting back, why was there nothing like this at straight? Or was there? And about the spork thing... I would fight with my frists before I used one of those, hehe, spork.. its a funny word if you just think about it... spork... hehe  :rofl: So here is one question I guess it boils down to, why in the hell did other kids help keep you there, that is completely alien to me and I dont think I could understand.



P.S. Man stay away from the cults, you dont need them (to the anon)"

I went in at 14 and puny. I was 14 and was an intimidating 105 lbs. (maybe) and looking around at those guys and seeing how the much bigger fared on the concrete floor cured any violent urges I had. Those misbehaving kids got their asses kicked everyday, their food monitored, their sleep taken from them, and constantly watched. The way I saw it I had 4 years of hell or a year or 2 of playing the game as they wanted. Was it the "right" decision? That is an old debate here at this forum.

Remember Staff had years to perfect the divide and conquer rules and regulations we followed. So while it seems easy to think you would form strong bonds with someone and divise a plan together...it was close to impossible. First I changed homes everyday. We couldn't look at certain people or communicate freely. Nor did we have access to the mail or tv or radio. Oh and don't forget we were ^%$^&* exhausted. They kept us in the building sometimes over 12 hours...then we had homework (MI'S and newcomer crap to be done). So the clarity of thought wasn't there. Sleep deprivation will mess up your head. They knew that.

For the record I never believed what they told me. They never won that battle with me. I knew it was a bunch of lies. However to the outsider I was another "Successful Straightling". However I learned to trust nobody there.

Hope this serves as a little insight.

[001010]

A lot of kids in my program became violent in different ways; from biting a tongue in half and being taken to the emergency room, to beating someone up to get arrested and taken to jail. One kid even beat his mother to death with a baseball bat after going through the program a second time.

Most of us were just scared kids with no rights.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

--Clarence Darrow

_________________
EST (Lifespring) '83
Salesmanship Club '84-'86
Straight, Inc. '86-'88

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke