Well, not trying to put a damper on the young girl/old girl discussion...however, we all have baggage by the time we reach and mature into our middle-age years. For me, now it's just a matter of whether I carry it with me everywhere I go, stumbling and fumbling about trying to keep up with it all - or, if I can, leave it behind.
I have one really true and kind friend - and she has helped me along this path - and so have the participants in this forum. But the fact that she's not ever been in any kind of program at all showed me that regular people have the same kinds of problems and disconnects and yet, they seem to get through the trials and tribulations without blowing up their worlds. This has gone a long way towards helping me normalize and de-sensitize (my reactions) in my other personal and professional relationships.
Once I started to understand I had just as much baggage as the "unacceptable" men I was dating, my quest changed from trying find that perfect someone (no baggage/no problems) to finding someone who could accept me and mine and whose baggage I did not mind tripping over now and again. Not that I was searching out any hurting person to save mind you, I just recognized that I was no "pic-a-nic" to be with either.
Proud to say I am on my second marriage now and we are making it work. The first was in 1982-84 and was not good for either party. The second did not happen until 1997. I took a significant break between for several reasons - mostly because I was in college, developing a career and raising a child and I was not willing to let my responsibility to my family take precedenece over the needs of a date "to be spontaneous." Here's cute dating story for those of you with other responsibilites (ie family, job, school): I actually had one guy tell me the reason he could not see me anymore was because I could not be spontaneous. That line might actually have been a credible breakup line given the amount of stuff that was going on in my life (school, job, family) had it not been for the fact that his idea of spontaneity was going to his house to watch television when he rang me up onthe phone.
It did take a while for me to find a person who could accept me and my family as well as my seed-induced bullshit. Believe me when I say my "issues" still come up and most recently it has shown itself in the form of instant and complete rejection for seemingly minor transgressions. Again, all related to losing house and home in last year's hurricane - for lack of a better term, the events caused me to regress to what I consider the most negative of seed-induced behaviors - the ability to judge, judge harshly, and then walkaway. Really stupid behavior on my part.
Stress and upheaval seem to be the factors the cause me to fall back into old patterns. But I find it is much less frequent as time goes by. That, and I have to make a real effort not to fall back into stupid behavior when the going gets tough. Just because I have been X-way for 30 years doesn't necessarily make it right. I have had to learn to be more accepting of the human foibles in myself, my loved ones, my friends, my neighbors, the FEMA workers - everyone. I am nowhere near perfect and admittedly can be a big ass at times, but I do enjoy the challenge of learning to be a loving human being and not function on the automaton level.
And Greg, relax man ! It will be okay. RELAXXXX :grin: [ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-10-23 12:12 ]
