How did you tell your children, spouse about the Seed?

[Anonymous]

How did you tell you teenager or child about the Seed?  How did you explain it to your boyfriend/girlfriend before getting married or into a serious relationship?  If you explained it as a "drug rehab" they thought you were a heroin user, if you explained it as a cult or brainwashing they thought you were nuts.  How did you explain to people you loved, years later , who had no idea of what the seed was, how strange it was and try to give the best accurate description you could?  Or, did you just not tell about it at all?  What was their reaction if you did tell them?

[Danny Girl]

Wow, that?s a lot of questions! I don?t have children, so I can?t answer from a mother?s perspective. I am however, a proud aunt and have talked to a couple of my nieces about this. For me, I don?t bring this up with children and teenagers unless there is an opening, a way that I can help them understand what?s happening in their own lives. When my niece was uncovering memories of past child abuse and having suicidal thoughts, I talked about my own similar experiences and how I worked through them. I told her about the rape, the hopelessness, all of it, in an effort to bring her hope that no matter what others do to us, we can survive, we can heal, we can be fulfilled.

As to partners? and for that matter, any friend or family member, I have waited until I knew them well enough to feel secure that they would not judge me based on my past experience. Their reactions: Always the same, anger, sadness, disbelief that something like The Seed could flourish, and support.

Hope that helps a bit.

[Antigen]

I met my husband only a couple of years after the Program. I was still pretty twitchy; enough that I really had to explain why.

...it is worth discussing radical changes, not in the expectation that they will be adopted promptly but for two other reasons. One is to construct an ideal goal, so that incremental changes can be judged by whether they move the institutional structure toward or away from that ideal. The other reason is very different. It is so that if a crisis requiring or facilitating radical change does arise, alternatives will be available that have been carefully developed and fully explored."

http://laissezfairebooks.com/index.cfm?eid=103&aid=10247' target='_new'>Milton Friedman

[Robin Martin]

I married a Seed graduate, 3 yrs out of the program so there was never any 'splaining to do.  When our son reached his pre-teens and started to explore his rebellious side, we both spoke very candidly to him of our experiences. He's smart and fortunately understood.  Incidently, my ex really didn't need to be there, but doesn't harbor ill feelings either.

I was very fucked up and grateful to have come through it all alive! I've always been forthcoming with serious relationships, as I'm very proud of my accomplishments and want to share the experience w/ my friends and others. I like to surround myself w/ intelligent, strong, self-realized people so, it's always been a hoot to discuss my "boot camp days" at the Seed - it makes for great conversation, you know?

[001010]

I wasn't in the Seed, but I was in it's sister-program, Straight, Inc. For myself, I just explained by giving examples. I'd frequently have to explain a "tick" I had, or what I call one of my episodes (PTSD) to my husband.  

Nightmares about people trying to ?get? me, or take away my life or my freedom, could be explained because of my program incarcerations. Eighteen years later, I still have these.

The best call is to know as much as you possibly can about what happened to you. Know that you were emotionally, physically, and psychologically manipulated and controlled against your will, and why. Methods, processes, intentions and outcomes ?   understand it all.  The more we know about what happened to us all, (and continues to happen to children in the US and abroad) the more we can explain our tragedy to our loved ones and the public in general, if need be. Knowledge is power.

My daughter knows fully at the age of 14 what happened to me. She knows enough to recognize it if she were to ever be in a similar circumstance against her will, God forbid.  My husband understands completely.

We were not in Drug rehabs. That was only their marketing name.

Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green deep woods. Here grow the wallflower and the violet. The squirrel will come and sit upon your knee, the logcock will wake you in the morning. Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill. Of all the upness accessible to mortals, there is no upness comparable to the mountains.
-- John Muir

_________________
EST (Lifespring) '83
Salesmanship Club '84-'86
Straight, Inc. '86-'88

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

[GregFL]

My first wife never got it. I told her it was a bad experience but I couldn´t effectively convey the way it was. Plus, she equated drugs with the seed so she just never understood.

I came out to my kids about 5 years ago, which is hard when you are trying to raise kids that don´t use drugs to tell them you were in a drug rehab. I just explained exactly what happened, what led me to that point, how bad it was for me, and I promised them they would never be sent away to a place like that.

Suprisingly they got it much better than the ex.  Nowadays I tell the women I dated when the relationship progresses far enough, and I present it in the manner of something that happened to me a long time ago...they usually think it is interesting conversation.

[Stripe]

I think the important thing is to tell the truth about your experience. You can't sugar-coat it to make it easier for you to speak about. I thnk I told my son after I finally began to understand to long-term effects of what had happened to me.  Telling him about the bases of my reasoning (flawed as it was) helped me explain the whys and whats of decisions I made over the years that have affected his life.  

I have tired my best to put the information out there so that my son can learn from my mistakes -learn not to follow the pack and to think for himself. Being truthful about what happened to me about the choices I made as a teen and young adult has also made it easier, I hope, for him learn from my mistakes to the greatest extent possible.

My first husband used the information to abuse and debase me.  I didn't really speak much about it to anyone else after that experience. Husband number 2, however, has been caring and supportive and would never use the information to hurt me. In fact, he likes to read along on the forum so he can see what I'm up to.  And I think it's great for both of them to see where exactly, some of my previously twisted ways of thinking began.  The truth will set you free.

[Anonymous]

I was very up-front with my two oldest girls, they knew I was a recovering alcoholic and I related what happened to me in high school in terms of a warning along the lines that, "it runs in the family / its in the genes" as when I researched and found that there a number of alcoholics in my grandparents generation (mother's side)and the fact that three of their uncles were in AA as well. I told them that I had done just about every drug that was out there and got hooked on a couple, and I could advise them on this, friends, peer pressure, "boys", screwing up & doing good. It provoked more than a few conversations / discussions. But I had to realize (and come to accept) that they had to make their own mistakes & do their own "research" on the subject, hopefully they'll pull through, I pray, offer it up to my higher power, try to be there for them, but know my limitations. As to the "general public" ie friends, co-workers, etc.., I am selective about who & what I say & to what extent I relate my background. Alot of it depends on the person & their background. There are very few people in todays world that have not either done drugs, have family members, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers or know people in their lives that have not been touched by it. I cetainly don't hide it, I embrace it, after all it is a big part of who I am. You either learn from the past or you are destined to repeat it (as they say)I can attest to that personally.
Chris Lewis
Seed 74-75
AA - 91 -...

[cleveland]

I have to say that, thru this site, I have been able to clarify for me what the experience was. Now I have a bigger vocabulary to understand what the Seed was, why I was there, what I gained and lost from the experience.

I used to feel so weird about it. I remember telling a girlfriend about it, and she looked at me like I had suddenly turned green. Or maybe I just felt that way. Anyway, if I tell people I was in a cult, or a drug rehab, or a boot camp, or 'AA for kids,' nothing really describes what it was. Or what it is for kids in current programs.

My current wife accepted the info, said it must have been a difficult experience, and let it go at that. I have been in correspondance with people who briefly posted on this site, only to stop when a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend told them it was 'weird.' I feel sorry for them, that they cannot continue to learn about this part of their life. But I understand too...

It's especially difficult to explain the Seed experience, because it was meant to 'change the world,' and we believed it, if only for a while.

[marshall]

I don't recall either my wife or kids asking many questions or being especially interested in my being in the seed. I started dating my wife about 3 years after I graduated the program and my general feelings towards the program, though mixed, were more positive back then. They were much more interested in hearing about the short time I went to prison. I tend to lump that whole period of my life in together as one big unpleasant experience. Prison, seed then probation.

[Anonymous]

When I first got my life together as a teen I told just about everyone about the Seed.  I felt great about being able to change my life around.  Now I am more selective about who I tell.  I have learned through the years that some people will use whatever they can against you later.  

The few people I now tell about my experiences don't think I am wierd.  I now know that people can't really understand all of the things that I learned at the Seed so I keep it very basic.

For me it was a very positive experience.  I know some of you will not agree but that is how I feel about it.  I spent many years there and I do see some things that were not perfect, but nothing in life is perfect.  I just know it worked for me and still does today.   :smile:

[GregFL]

How many years?

[Anonymous]

Over 30

[Anonymous]

What I also meant to say is that people are not perfect and mistakes are made.  I think everyone tried to do whatever they thought was right at the time.

I also noticed how lots of you from St. Pete had to wear your Seed T-Shirts and license plates on your cars.  We were told not to wear our t-shirts to school because you could provoke the other kids.  I never wore mine except for to the Seed for meetings.

I could see how you would get hassled by so many kids in High School.  I know I did and did not even get hassled by my old friends.  They were only the people I  didn't even know.  Somehow I guess they found out I was from the Seed.  

Anyway I hope everyone has a nice 4th.

[GregFL]

Wow. Over thirty years.  That is a long time!

Please tell me, are you new to this forum or a previous poster.

IF you are new, welcome and please tell us a story from your time there.